CHRONICLES OF WHARI 13

Tyrohk Stared down from the hill top. A large crowd of citizens had gathered at the gates of the palace. He could sense the confusion and fear in the air. The place was ripe for the taking, He thought. He could almost feel the contours of the Kulgan Blade against his fingers. It was his birth right, it was his destiny. His time had come, finally he would reclaim what had been denied  him for more than a millenium.

MY NAME IS KONG

Beast!,Beast!,Beast!"
The sound of their chants filled his ears. His arms felt  heavy from holding them up for so long.He didn't know which was worse, the intense heat of the mid day sun or the pain in his head.

MERRY JOLLY LOVELY CHRISTMAS

MY JOURNEY 3

 I wondered what other trick life could ever play on me.


Hope was not glad to see me, especially not in the circumstances of our meeting. She was no longer hope, she was now Celia and she was rich. It was her money Daniel had been showering on me. She walked me out of her house, and told me never to come back. Life was so cruel. I cried all the way back to my hostel, cursing the day I was born.

UNREPENTANT MISTRESS 14

Amaka is naked in front of her dressing mirror.
The self-proclaimed Queen of the Night has  a worried look on her face.  She closely studies her reflection as if searching for something in particular.

MY JOURNEY 2

My elder sister went to the police station the next day, and reported the case. All the men including the land lord were arrested. Two days later they were bailed and the landlord gave us the remainder of our rent and sent us packing. The matter died at the police station. I decided that I was going to become a lawyer.

CHRONICLES OF WHARI 12

Thari felt the tip of the blade prick her flesh.

"Just get it over with" she winced. There was almost no fear in her, just raw anger.

" Brave," came Muuaji's breath against the side of her face. "Very brave. I'm almost tempted to grant you your wish"

" Mistress? A Kivuli shadow said hesitantly. To the rest of the world, all  Kivuli looked the same. But Muuaji had long learned the art of identifying every one of her brothers. This one, was a high ranking warrior. She would know, she trained him.

"....we have the advantage" he continued awkwardly. " We should kill the High Queen, and make our escape"

MY JOURNEY 1

My name is Joy, funny how my name sounds to me, when I tell you my story, maybe you would understand the irony of my name. I was born into the home of a military officer, and my mother was a trader. The fourth child, in a family of six (as it was back then).

MOTHERHOOD

The baby cried, and Oge knew he was hungry. She sat down, and thought about how bad her life had become. She tried to console the child, but he wouldn’t stop crying. She didn’t bother giving him her breasts to suckle, as she had stopped producing milk over three days ago. How would she, when her last meal had been about five days ago, when one family had taken pity on her and given her some bread. She had been surviving on just water, and her strength was already beginning to fail her.

NOTHINGNESS

I walked away from the fire, with the wind against my face. I am glad for the wind. The fire would burn brighter and hotter. I willed myself not to turn back, not to look back. The only thing that should remain of the place I once called home, should be ashes.

I didn't care that it was my sweat that was burning down, didn't care that all I nurtured and treasured was in there. I just didn't care.

LOVE STORY

Pedro paced up and down his living room. Tomorrow was the day, and he was yet to come up with a plan. He had gotten some plans from his friends, but none of them seemed to be what he was looking for. It had to be special, nothing outrageaous like what he reads on those news blogs, but he had to get it right.

ALEXA RANTS 5

Okay, maybe I was a little too presumptious with Mr Movie Guy. I guess I just assumed he was....well,..."Responsible"....(is that the word I should use?I mean, he's got a great job at OLX,he's God fearing, and he's got amazing abs. So I'm guessing you guys want to know what's wrong with him. All these mumu people for this blog are probably going; "Alexa, wetin come do this one again nau?"

Mtcheeew!!!

FAMILY TIES 2

Their uncle was by their door again four days later. Three times in one week, after six years of not caring whether they lived or died. Zaire was not sure what to make of it. Christy on the other hand, knew exactly what to make of it.

FAMILY TIES

Zaire looked at her wristwatch, She had been waiting for him for over four hours. He had told her to come by 10:00am, and it was almost 2:30pm now. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and the secretary gave her a tired smile. She had left her business, to be here today and it seemed that was another mistake.  A man walked in carrying a carton of noodles, and he went to the secretary and whispered. The secretary gestured in her direction and he waked toward her.

"Please are you Zaire?" the man asked.

"Yes I am"

Alexa rants 4

Na God go punish that Mr Face book!Can you imagine the nonsense?He hasn't called me.What rubbish!E no go betta for am!!
You see my problem?These men just can't be trusted.Whether it's Face Book,Twitter or Instagram.Mtcheeew!!!

BLACK FRIDAY

I have seen and heard a lot of hilarious things concerning black Friday. I mentioned it to one of my aunts, and she became alert, kabashing things... I had to explain to her that it was not something bad, not an eclipse or the end of the world. ROTFL....

OLUKWU part 8

"Ekwa,so this thing I'm seeing like this I can not touch?"

"Who are you talking to?"There was a bit of annoyance in Amaka's voice.She just couldn't understand why the native doctor was so distracted.There she was as naked as the day of her birth ready for action and he was speaking to the empty space above their heads.

One way or another,Olukwu was going to have sex with her.Whether he wanted to or not.She proceeded to loosen his wrapper.The native withdrew from her touch at near super human speed.

LET'S GET OUR YAKATA GROOVE ON

Finally, the day is here. Two weeks ago, it seemed so far away. But ehm I have a question. Please If you have received your November salary, show by a raise of hands..... ROTFL.

POSSESSED!!!! a horror story by opustjk.

'Many things about that night still disturb me.But I know and trust in the word of God.It has protected and guided me all these years as a Pastor.

What I'm about to tell you is a true story.I have been a devout follower of Christ for the past twenty-five years.I have no reason to lie or make up stories for the sake of popularity.I say what I say today not to entertain,but to instruct.

TO LOVE A STRANGER 2

Richard starred at Jasmine as the face lost all it's colour. He was as shocked as she was, but was better at disguising it.
"Ehm... welcome" Jasmine said, forcing a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"Finally I get to meet Peter's stunning wife" Richard said looking her over.
"Mehn... I cannot wait to meet the damsel you have to talking about for these past weeks" Peter responded.

YAKATA vs BLACK FRIDAY

Hello Opusites. Today was a great day. Had a really superb time in church. Yimmu to all those who didnt attend service. Count down to the largest sales event in Nigeria.... Africa....... in short the WORLD.  ROTFL. Do you think its a co-incidence that Jumia and Konga set their sales at the same period? and at the end of the month nonetheless. I doubt it.

ALEXA RANTS 3 (Mr FaceBook)

Okay,here's what happened with the Face book guy.Like I said  before,I ignored him for a few weeks.I mean why not?The dude was scary,he followed me on Twitter,Instagram,Google+ and everywhere else on the internet.It was like everywhere I turned,I saw his smiling face.Which wasn't a bad looking face.It wasn't an extremely good looking face either.

ALEXA RANTS 2

Hello,Alexa here again.


Okay,so I went on a date with Eze.I'll admit,it wasn't what I expected.The truth is having been through so many first dates,you kinda get bored with the same old routine;"What do you do?,Do you love your job?,what happened in your last relationship? and blah blah blah.It just goes on and on and on like a crappy re-run of a crappy Tv series.

Anyway,I indulged him.

JANE DOE 5

They waited.



Listening to the sound of the elevator descending.There were at least Fifteen automatic weapons  trained towards the door.
Samuel tightened his grip on his rifle
"Are you sure we have enough guns to kill this b**ch?"he whispered.

ALEXA RANTS!!!

Hello,my name is Alexa and I want to get married.I wont say my age,because I know the people on this blog have bad mouth.All I can say is that I've been single for long enough to know that I've been single for too long.

TO LOVE A STRANGER

Jas opened her eyes and stared at the pot bellied man who had been yapping for 30 mins non stop. "why couldn't some people understand that a flight is not a place for loud talking?". Then she looked at the young man beside him whose only crime was being unfortunate enough to get the seat next to mr. yapper.

Jumia Black Friday

My people my people. That's how I was looking at that Opus' konga post with side eyes.

Friday the 13th

“Death of the angel….Glorify  and please….. drops of fire ......purify and release..... The blood link we revere severe other ties... the blood link we share..... none other would spare..."  the person crouched in the circle chanted over and over. There were candles lit around, and markings on the ground. The person in the circle was stark naked, it was late just a little past midnight, there was a full moon.

KONGA'S YAKATA IS HERE!!!....well,soon anyway.

Okay I'll admit, I use Konga..... A LOT.And no matter what Ivy says,

PERFECT FAMILY

Favour looked up and down the corridor, before stepping out of the room. She walked briskly towards the exits carrying a light bundle. She didnt know what she was doing, or why or anything for that matter. she had made the decision without a thought.

She breathed a sigh or relief, when she got out of the building without any incident. She hailed a cab, and got in. Maybe, just maybe today was her lucky day.

JUST DESERT

Rooney walked down the path, away from the meeting ground. The night was chilly, and his shirt didn’t provide any form of warmth for him. He carried the black pot, dreading every step that took him close to his car and hence his mission.
As he drove down the bush path, he let down his windows, letting in the chilly air. He sped past the bush tracks, and unto the tarred road. The black pot was on the back seat of his car. The stench from it was what he tried to diffuse by letting down the windows. It filled his nostrils.

MR AND MRS

She stepped out of the cab and straightened her gown, not that it did any good, the fabric barely covered her butt.

The cab guy had an eyeful.

He gave her a smirk as he handed her the change.

She ignored him and walked into the large compound.

SECRET POST

Hey guys....





There is a post hidden somewhere on the blog. The last time, most people did not understand  what they were supposed to do, but I am certain you all do now.

WHAT CAN I DO AFTER BEING RAPED?

How does life play these tricks on us? Like a really fast pendulum, one minute you are extremely Happy, and few seconds later, its like the world has crashed on your head.

One minute, my world was complete I was at my happiest and bam..... THE END. I cannot make sense of this, its been three days now and I still don't know what to make of it.

I met Emeka(not his real name of course).We met in church.He wasn't the handsomest of men.He was a little too short for my taste,but he treated me with respect.He adored and loved me.We dated for a few months and then he proposed.I was over the moon.Emeka was every bit the man I wanted (save for his height,but nobody is perfect right?)

SEARCH FOR THE NEW POST

Good morning... its sunny here in abuja, and I am feeling wonderful. Opus has a new story  for us, and I got a wonderful idea... YEA say it..... I always have wonderful ideas.

So lets have some fun... I know its Sunday. Some are at Church, some in bed and some of those in bed are nursing a hangover. #coughs.. Some are in bed having praise and worship. Halleluyah sombori.

THE MAZE 3

Inspector Ladi looked at the time, it was 10:45 pm, and he was still seated at his desk, going through the case file for the missing girls. The case had been re-assigned to him, after the third girl Precious went missing two weeks ago. His superiors think there is a connection, and it’s his job to find out what it is.
Something about the whole affair seemed off, but he had no idea what it was. Three girls, different age, different classes and different personalities. All gone missing in the middle of the night. No witnesses, no evidence. Ladi scratches his beard, and stands up. Time to call it a day.
…………………

FITNESS CLASSES (not a story O!)

Hi  introducing    Mr Menia Jack- combat strategist.

African wako, WKA,WKU mma & K-1 kickboxing champion.

 four times best fighter of the year in Nigeria. 

Wins:39 ,loses: 6, Draws:0 ,tko's 7

THE MAZE 2

Fred walked down the road leading to his uncle’s house sweating profusely. His sister had tried to discourage him from making this unsolicited visit, but he had refused to heed her warning. He was determined to make something out of this visit, and he said a silent prayer.

JANE DOE 4

Christie stood in the middle of the street .The helicopter hovered over her head.
She still had the gun trained on the space were Jane Doe had been .
Sound of choppers.... Christie watched as the soldiers descend from the ropes amidst the sound of the choppers blades.

In seconds, the street was flooded with masked black ops  soldiers armed with advanced  fully automatic rifles.They moved swiftly,professionally.

Several black SUVs raced  into the sector.Suddenly military personnel and paramedics were everywhere.

ORDEAL

I drove to the end of the road and stopped in front of the house by the bridge. I parked, and sat in silence for a while, giving myself an opportunity to change my mind.

 Truth is, I knew there was no turning back. I was here, and I had to do what I came to do.

I felt the movement of the baby, and instead of bringing me joy, all I felt was a pang of trepidation.

This was the only way out.

I rested my head and closed my eyes, seeing the happiest time of my life.

I married Leslie, the love of my life straight out of college. We were young, wet behind the ears, and stupid enough to think that the life would always be sunny. Six months after our marriage, I fell pregnant and my world seemed aligned.

Everyone was ecstatic, and I had never seen my husband as happy as he was when I gave him the news.

ENTANGLED

Maureen got into the car, and Jay drove off. She shuddered to think about what lay before her. No doubt her client would be another one of the numerous old men whose money could buy the city. Their money certainly buys them her body. She looked at the outline of Jay's jaw, and her mind went to the first day she was introduced to him. She had been in a very low point in her life, and made the decision to travel this road. Jay was her transporter. From that day, her worries reduced. She blossomed and was happier than she had been in a long time. Nobody had to know that deep down she cursed the day she was conceived every time she had to endure and pretend to enjoy rendering her services.

GO FIGURE!!!

Happy independence day" he declared with a less than pleasant smile on his face.

Between the blazing sun and the stench from his armpits,I didn't know which offended me the most.

"Gerrout of here!! "I screamed at him, scarcely recognising my own voice amidst the blaring of car horns and the stink of sweat.The Air conditioner wasn't  working,and if any body knows traffic is Port Harcourt, a hot afternoon is  the worst situation to be in when your AC is bad.

THE MAZE

Her footsteps echo down the hallway, the hostel is silent. She turned left towards the doors praying it does not screech. She really didn’t need to drag the matron out of slumber, although that woman slept and snored like a dead horse. But she was taking no chances.
Adanma pushed the door gently, and it swung open slowly. She felt the fresh air of the night hit her face, and took in a deep breath. She shut the door carefully, and stretched out her tired bones which ached from hiding in a locker since after prep. She hoped her cover had not been blown in her own hostel, because being in a mess with her matron was not what she needed at this time.

JANE DOE episode 3

The Organization had taken the four of them into another well lit  large room with an assortment of weapons.

"F**k me!!"Samuel had exclaimed,staring at the weapons  like  a child in a candy store.

Victor didn't like the man.To him mercenaries were scum.Any soldier who fought for money was  worth as less as the  filth of a cockroach's stomach.

MR AND MRS

Lily lay silently on her bed.

She didn’t move when Felix walked in. Maybe she either didn't notice, or she didn’t care.

He stood at the doorway, wondering what could be eating his wife up. She had been acting strange since he came back from work.

That time of the month,maybe.

“Cherie” he said in a soft tone.She turned her face towards him.

“What's the matter?” he asked. He moved to sit on the bed.He placed his hand on her feet.

“There's no problem”.

 She withdrew her feet from his palm.

Silence.

He sighed and sat still beside her.

OLUKWU the native doctor 7

Farting sounds.

"Olukwu!"

More farting sounds.

The native doctor moved around the little hut with an angry expression on his face.He either didn't hear the Voice of the spirits or was simply ignoring it.

He paused for  a few seconds then let out a very loud fart.

OLUKWU!!!Said the angry voice of the Spirits.

"Ekwa!what is it?"Olukwu snapped."Did I call ya name?"

He Pulled vigorously at an earlobe"Respect yaself oh!Respect yasef.Unless you want Mammy Water to hear our voice this morning"

He continued searching the hut,sorting through sections he'd been through before.

More farting sounds

JANE DOE 2

Day time.

Darkness gives way to light.

In an ideal world,the vermin would've scuttled into their dark holes waiting for night.

But this wasn't an ideal world.It was a f**ked up place that had someone like me in it.

I stared at my left hand.It still ached from the bullet I'd snatched from the air the night before.

What sort of human could do that?

Was I even human?

Why couldn't I remember who the f**k I was?

I had spent the rest of the night prowling aimlessly through the sinful streets.

I was a nameless face amongst a sea of faces.

I could hear voices and sounds from miles away.They were all mixed together in my head like some f**kup symphony.

I just wanted to be alone.I just wanted to figure this out.

I managed to find the rooftop of an abandoned building.It was peaceful,less noise and s**tty voices to hear.The air up there was clearer....cleaner.

My instincts warned me to stay hidden.

Why?

I had no f**king clue.I just had a feeling that I should be careful.There was someone out there searching for me.

I had to figure this out.

UNREPENTANT MISTRESS 13

Wait wait lemme get this straight.I go quiet for a while and I don't get so much as a where's Amaka sef on this blog?I'm guessing since Rise of the Clans,Amaka's yesterday's news abi?

HA!!!(I laugh in seeeeeeerious Ogoni).Like I would even care if you guys asked after me.

I'M STILL MAKING MONEY B**CHES!DEAL WITH IT!

Now,to the gist of the day....Oh!Silly me.I forgot the newbies on the blog.My name is Amaka,AKA the Unrepentant Mistress,First of her name.Africa's No.1BadGirl,The Mistress of the Kamasutra and of the Night, the Numero Uno of Runs-Chicks.Bow to me now,and I will ensure your husband/boyfriend returns him tonight.

(Laughs Hysterically)

It feels sooooo good to be back!

JANE DOE

The night is scared of me,...and I think I know why.

All the Vermin came out like cockroaches after the lights went out.

I heard the city around me.It was a  symphony of Rock Music,Bad traffic and loud voices.

My alley was an accumulated filth of bodily fluids and stinking feaces.

My bed was a couple of newspapers spread across the hard cold ground of the alley.It wasn't the Four Seasons,but it was a place to rest my head.

I closed my eyes.But sleep was a seasoned Prostitute who never came no matter how hard I tried.

THE RACE pt2

"On your marks....."The Parrot called out. They were poised at the starting line.

The Tortoise eyed the Hare.

"Mighty Tortoise,Mighty Tortoise!!!"

The crowd was chanting.

"Do you hear that?"The Tortoise said.

"That is the sound of my victory".

"Mighty Tortoise!Mighty Tortoise!"

The surface of the road burned with the intensity of the Mid-day sun.

"Once I am king,"The Tortoise said."I will make sure the Hares starve to death"

THE RACE!!!

The Hare lay on the forest floor staring at a bunch of noisy ants going about their business.
It was another Monday morning.And like all Mondays,he felt numb.

The sun was shining in the sky, birds in the trees were singing Praise songs to the almighty Tortoise .

"All hail  Tortoise!The swiftest,wisest of all animals.Rise up and bask in his Magnificence......!"

And on and on the song went.One heart breaking verse after the other.They hurt his long ears and each word was like a bee sting to his body.

The ants tripled in number as the minutes grew by.They rallied around a small piece of fruit.No doubt an offering to their "Great King".

He heard the sound of hopping behind him.To be frank,he had actually   smelled her fur whilst she was yards away.He didn't even bother getting up.

What was the point?

DEAR READERS

First off,I want to say thank you for joining me on the Rise of  the Clans adventure.To be fair,I had no Idea anyone was going to like it.If you've noticed,I've been experimenting with genres to find my strengths.And I really enjoy fantasy.There's so much room for creativity.
But enough about that.
Writing ROTC was fun....and exhausting.
Why do I say that?Because from when I wrote the first part,I had no idea what the others were going to be like.

REVIEWS! REVIEWS!! REVIEWS!!! UPDATED. PLEASE READ

Hi guys, first off, I want to say you guys have been really really awesome, being patient and waiting for posts. Its been fun, I wont deny it, crazy fun and the adventure still continues.

Four stories from this blog have been made into e-books, Brown eyes, 3:15,Kollupia and Rise of the clans, on Kindle and wattpad.

You guys have read these stories, and if the comments we get are anything to go by, you loved them. So please we need you to help us by leaving reviews and comments about the stories.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD A COUPLE HAVE SEX?

To all those expecting Sunday Erotica, sorry O, abeg O..... ehen.


Let's talk about sex. Now don't look at me like that..... I know what you guys are thinking,  IT'S A SUNDAY...... I know. But I am just curious, Is there a standard number of times that a couple (married or otherwise)should have sex? I am serious here, Is there?

Recently, I met up with some friends at a bachelorette party . (You know what goes down at those things.... And do not ask about the strippers, I am still sweaty thinking about them).  Like all bachelorette parties when you throw in a bunch of women and alcohol the conversations always tend to get a little bit "unholy" (or in our lingua, gist dey bring gist). From nowhere Clara threw a question at Freda"how often do you and Julius have sex?" . Clara is fond of being straight forward, and the alcohol in her system didn't help.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MIZ TEE

We're so so so so so so so sooooo.sorry MIZ TEE for missing your birthday.Truth is,your Email came in as spam.The network has been a little unstableb(and annoying).So we didn't get to see it till about Five minutes ago.

So sorry dear.

RAINE'S BIRTHDAY

She looked behind her, watching out for movement. All was quiet and she walked on, trying her best to be silent. Her phone disrupted the silence, and she brough it out of her pocket and silenced it before registering the caller id.

"Hello Raine, what did you say you wanted on your birthday cake" Ifunanya asked.
“Hello, Ifunanya, let me call you back please. I am in the middle of something” she whispered quickly, before ending the call. She heard footsteps from a distance, and crouched low. The footsteps seemed to be ahead of her, so she followed silently.

The weather was too hot, and beads of sweat ran down her back. Her aldo boots are really dusty, and the thought of how hard it is to get dust out of suede hit her. she sighed and forged ahead. Nothing was going to stop her. not tonight.

"FACT OR FICTION" ......you decide

Ledum looked at the clock in her office, wondering what was so urgent that she had to drop everything she was doing in the office. But Baridor had sounded frantic on the phone few minutes ago.
“Come to Nina’s house, it is an emergency” she had said. What emergency, she had declined to say.Ah..well...!


 Knowing her twin, it could be anything or nothing. Baridor had only one setting; Hyper.

She was an exact opposite of Ledum, whom was always calm and digested events before reacting. It always amazed people how different the girls were. Even as kids, you only needed to looking for the one who couldn’t stay at a place to know which was which.

Physically, they were exactly the same.

NOBODY IS PERFECT!!!

Once upon a time there was a young man named Handsome. As his name implied,he was a handsome  man to behold.

He was in his thirties and badly wanted to settle down.But he had a problem....too many women in his life.

They literally came in all shapes and sizes.
Tall,short,fat,slim,ugly,beautiful,rich and poor.

He had a hard time choosing which was going to be his wife.

One night,Handsome said a prayer that went like this,

"Dear lord,please bring me a woman that is Perfect for me,all these girls are good but are lacking in certain areas.
Please help me....Amen!

That night, he had a dream.

THE GIFT

I don't know why People like me exist in the world... .Perhaps we are nature's way of striking a balance between normal and F**kup.

I know my tale may sound outlandish or crazy even.

But it's the truth.

It all started when I was Fifteen.I was involved in a car accident.

Relax,...nobody died.In fact,the most serious injury was mine.

I was thrown from the car and banged my head pretty good against a tree stump.

I blacked out  of course, and woke up a day later in a hospital to find my parents standing over my bed.

MOONSTRUCK

Ibingo couldn't sleep.

There seemed to be an ongoing dispute between the various groups of blood thirsty insects hovering above her head.

" Don't scratch them. It only makes it worse"
Tarila always warned her. But she couldn't help it that night.The monstrous tiny vampires were heartless.

The compound was still.

And the weather was so hot, even the crickets were silent.

Sweat poured from her body in large beads, unto the wrapper used to cover the raffia mat.

 Ibingo was wide awake and wondered how Ibiso could sleep so soundly under such harsh conditions.

Ibiso lay by her on the mat, and hadn't stirred since she fell asleep over three hours ago.

MIMSY

“Come off your high horse, Mimsy, this dude is cute and rich. What more could you ask for?” Adaure said to her friend gesticulating wildly.

“Look Ada, I get that you are on honeymoon fever, but love is not contagious. Stop trying to hook me up…. I am not interested in another blind date” Mimsy replied taking a sip of her cocktail.

“By the way, where's your husband? He should come and take you off my hands biko” she continued.

“Kelvin is cooking dinner, so he asked me to get out of his hair for a few hours”

  “I wonder why” Mimsy rolled her eyes.

“I know what you're thinking and it’s not true” Ada said with a knowing smile.

“I'm thinking you're the most exasperating, opinionated and pushy friend I have. Thank God your husband knows it too”

“Oh please. I might be all that, but you're stubborn and strong headed” Ada replied.

“Whatever!” Mimsy giggled, as she went through her phone.

Long Pause.

DO ALL MEN CHEAT?

People will call me "A two faced bastard"but what I am is a man. A "today's man".I love my wife.She's the most amazing woman I've ever known.She's intelligent,Kind,supportive,and faithful.

What more could a man ask for?She's just perfect.

I remember when I lost my job years ago.I thought my life was over....I thought there was nothing left for me.Everyone deserted me....no one gave a crap.

You see,the world is a cruel place when you don't have money.Most women would've walked away.But my wife stood by my side.
She took care of me and the children. For months,she used her money to feed us and take care of the  rent.

It wasn't easy.....Things were bad.

No.

Things were f**ked up.

UNREPENTANT MISTRESS storm edition

image courtesy radnatt at freedigitalimages.net

Amaka stops by the curb rather abruptly. From the look on her face, she is clearly upset about something, and I have a feeling we are about to find out what.

She picks up one of her beeping phones, and frowns. "Yes darling, I know love I know. I would see you soon. Obim ndo o. Ok.... thank you." she ends the call and faces us.

CELL 307

I am really glad you guys enjoy my stories… Not certain how creepy some of them really are, even though Opus says they are super creepy. So I was pulled by my hair, from the couch where I was lounging and reading comments, to my laptop by you know who.


 I type this under duress in a padded cell where everything is….. guess…. Guess…. PINK. The usual white padded cells are not my thing I guess. My asylum is a democratic environment as they even let us choose the colour of our cells and even the cell number.


Mine is number 307(smiles knowingly), so come visiting if you dare. Needless to say, a lot of those mad people chose number 666, maybe just to show that they are indeed disturbed in their heads, or just for show. We have over 15 cells with that number on their doors.(way to go crazies).

CAUGHT UP

Image courtesy of hyena reality at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

With a lurch, the car came to a stop and the engine belched to death. “Damn this” Chisom swore, hitting the steering wheel, “I'll kill that mechanic ” .

She continued looking at Halima who sat quietly, staring straight ahead.

“I don't like this….. ” Bisi's voice said from the back seat.

“Quit whining…. Nobody knew this would happen” Chisom said, looking at her from the rear view mirror.

  Halima sat in the front passenger’s seat, looking straight ahead.

The night was cold.

Chisom sighed, and started fishing in her bag for her phone.

“No need, it’s useless….. There is no network here…. Look around you babe, we're in the middle of nowhere” .

OPUSTJKWRITES SOCIAL MEDIA STORM

BLACK FRIDAY

The Man stared at her as she savoured another scoop of Ice cream.It was nice to watch her.The way her eyes seemed to swoon each time the plastic spoon entered her mouth.

She wasn't an unattractive woman infact,she was quite a looker for a woman in her Fifties.

Personally,the Man didn't approve of her eating habits.

6pm every Friday was Ice Cream  time for this woman.

The human body is a marvel of Bio Engineering.It deserved better than being bombarded by so much sugar.The Man frowned.

She didn't even exercise(If the last two weeks he'd followed her about was anything to go by).

Exercise was crucial for any human being.Even from this distance,he could tell that one of her bodyguards was in bad shape.

EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH

She heard a bang. She jumped in her seat and made a Typo in the document she was working on.She looked at her wrist watch, 11:23pm. She sighed and looked around her.

She was the only one in the office, thanks to her shrewish boss and her Employee-of-the-month-for-Eight-straight-months status. She wished she had had the guts to turn down this assignment.

So here she was, at this unholy hour, with an aching neck, back, arms, legs, aching everywhere.

She stood up from her desk, and flexed her muscles.

THE DEBT

Chike stared into the photograph with a smile on his face.

"You guys look so good together"He said still staring at the picture.

"The Photographer was fantastic."came Edidiong's voice from the kitchen.

Felix rolled his eyes and whispered,
"The idiot kept on staring at her cleavage like some lustful beast with a hard on the size of Jurassic world.Dude was supposed to be a professional for Christ sakes"

"I heard that"Edidiong said returning to the living room with their drinks.

Chike chuckled as she placed the tray on the stool between him and Felix.

"...Don't mind your friend jor,...."She said to Felix as he rolled his eyes again.

THE POTION!!

"Come and buy come and buy!"The Smallish buldgy eyed sales man was screaming  into the Public Address System.

It was a little difficult to ascertain how many different fabrics made up the multicolored coat he was wearing.In front of the man was a large red cloth spread across the ground.

There were dozens of strange colored  bottles strewn across the cloth.

A small group of people had gathered around the hungry looking sales man as he brandished a small yellow bottle in his left hand.

"De original cure for all Man diseases!!Are you having problems wit ya man-hood?is ya woman complaining dat you cannot perform well in bed?Are you tired of her calling you a 'small boy?'wen was d last time ya woman sed to you 'Beby do it again?'Biko,de answer is here....."
.

UNREPENTANT MISTRESS 12

Lemme guess,so because I've been silent for so long people on this blog generally assume I have nothing to say abi?

Ha!!!

I laugh in Japanese.

CHARADE

“Just deal with it, I’m out of here” he said to her, leaving her office and slamming the door shut.

Tsunade stared at the door for a while, then resumed typing on her computer. She would handle him later.

She had to file her report first, her motto has always been work while you work and play while you play. Or so she'd read on a bumper sticker somewhere.

Funmi walked into her boss’ office with trepidation, she had heard the intense argument, and didn’t know whether to expect a warm smile, a frown or rocket propelled grenade.

PASTOR BOSCO episode 5

Pastor Bosco wasn't having a fantastic week.

Two attempts had been made on his life and if not for the supernatural speed Jehovah had blessed him with,he would've been singing with the angels by now.

WHO DUNNIT? 4

Christian screamed and fell to the ground with a loud thud after the reptile had extracted its fangs from his flesh.

His pulse was racing.

Christian hated the fact that he knew what was coming.He'd watched enough documentaries to know the effects of a fierce snake bite.

 First would come the nausea,then the vomiting, abdominal pain, diarrhoea, dizziness and convulsions leading to kidney  failure and finally death.

He could already feel the nausea coming on.His blood would slowly loose its ability to clot and he'd bleed out.

Bad way to go,he thought.

KARMA'S A BI**H!!!

"I'll give you whatever you want...just don't kill me.....I have a wife and ...a daughter"Jacob ranted in panic as he was  shoved to the ground.

The skin on his forehead broke and ripped open as it brushed against the roughness of an unpainted wall.

He let out a screech and was promptly kicked in the ribs.

He stifled a yell.

He could hear them all around him.

He could smell the sweat on their bodies.

MR AND MRS

I sat in my car and watched my wife drive off with her latest conquest. From where I sat, he didn’t look anything more than twenty-five. I waited for five minutes, to give them a head start, before starting my car.

I get home, and my daughter opens the door for me. I give her a hug and walk into the living room, where her mother, my wife is seated working on her laptop.

“Welcome darling” she says standing up and taking my briefcase from me. I fall into a chair, and she kneels beside me and removes my shoes.

MR AND MRS

I lay on my bed quietly.I must've killed Josh a thousand ways from Sunday....and then some.

Sometimes I wonder how he convinced me to marry him.

 Maybe I was tricked into this marriage, maybe I was drugged. The videos and pictures of the wedding seem alien to me.
   

I look really happy
Scratch that!

We look really happy. Assuming I believe the smiles on our faces.
Crap!

These days I don’t know what to believe.

 Eleven years and three and half kids down the line and I find myself wondering what in damnation I was thinking.

 Was I high?

WHO DUNNIT ?? 3

"Peter!...Peter!"Bola was frantic as the rest of the group gathered around the now motionless body.

For a few seconds all they could hear was the sound of the clock.

Their eyes scanned each other's faces again.....fearfully.

"Somebody do something!!!"Bola screamed looking around.

The faces that stared back at hers were all frightened.

In a somewhat desperate gesture,Christian  crouched next to Peter's limp form.

"lets check for a pulse"He said as he reached out.

"Don't touch him!!!"She snapped as she smacked his hand away....violently.

The look in her eyes was homicidal.

"LITTLE" SECRETS!!!

"I'm so nervous"Dennis said, as his wife to be placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

The air inside the Doctor's office was cool....okay maybe not cool more like chilly.

Dennis had managed to avoid hospital visits for most of his adult life.Except that one time when he hit his head on the bathroom sink.

Now that hadn't been his fault....okay maybe it had been.If he hadn't dropped the damn soap on the floor and attempted the "Shoki" dance in the dark (stupid idea,by the way).

Anyway, that had been the only time,and he still had the stitches to prove it.

THE MAID

"Stupid Girl!Did your poverty stricken mother ever have a China plate in her life? Ify literally spat out, a spray of saliva shot out of her mouth.
More streams of abuses followed as
Ify yelled and squeezed Ufoma’s ears.

Ufoma was kneeling on the kitchen floor with the broken pieces of the plate scattered around.

It didn’t matter that the plate had slipped out of her hands when some of the hot water which Ify had spilled poured on her legs.

 It didn’t matter that the skin on Ufoma's legs were the hot water touched, was beginning to peel.

Neither did it matter that Ufoma had been forced to kneel on the floor that was littered with shattered fragments of the broken plate.

LOVE NOTES!!!

"Though I've never spoken to you,It seems I have loved you all my life.Your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen,your eyes are like the love spell of a goddess,the sound of your voice is like the sweet melody of a violin.Why am I saying these things?Why do I sound like a drunken fool?
My heart is yours Zainab A,...from now till the day I die....my heart is yours......!!!"

She realised her heart was racing,....like it always did when she read his notes.......!!

"Who are you?"She heard her own voice whisper into the morning air as she stood  in the middle of the parking lot of the office complex.

WHO DUNNIT?? 2

"Looks like her....throat's been slashed"Christian's voice said softly. Bola suddenly threw up by the bed.

 "What did you do, Christian???"Victor shouted launching at him with ferocity. ".....It was you...."came Victor's enraged voice as he tried to grapple Christian's throat.

Peter stepped in just in time between the two men. "....st-st-stop this nonsense..."Peter said warding Victor off.

 Christian didn't even flinch.

".....he killed her....bastard....he always hated her!!!"

 "....everybody just relax...."Eva said in a small voice.

Bola was still on the ground,face cradled in her palms as silent tremors ran through her body.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED

"I know what I said....because I was there when I said it" Kente said with the anger still in her voice.

Chris let the silence between them linger for a bit.
Even in anger,she was still witty.It was one of the things he liked about her,besides her beauty and sense of fashion.

But all that didn't seem to matter now.He thought as he stared into the ground between them.

She was starting to cry.
"...so..did it occur to you...that maybe...just maybe I might start having feelings for....you?"she said staring away from him.

"....but we agreed it was casual...no strings attached...we also agreed that in the event that either of us started a serious relationship,....this would end..."Chris responded.

HOUSE FOR SALE

2012


HOUSE FOR SALE,
6 bedroom duplex with three living rooms, seven baths fitted with jacuzzis, a garden, two water fountains, sitting on six acres of land.
asking price 10million naira.



Ngo was pleased, she stroked the curtains which her husband had just hung up. Light shimmered in through the windows. She spinned around dreamily. Her kids would absolutely love their new home. She loved the renovation work that had gone on. The property had been restored but it still had most of it's original woodwork and furniture.

She wondered why nobody had bought this house until she and her husband had come across it. From the moment they set their eyes on it, they knew it was the one. And they got it for such a bargain. They were expecting to pay at least five times the asking price.
The front door opened and she heard a shriek... Her kids were home.


Judith ran down the stairs to the kitchen "mummy junior just ate a cockroach" she screamed. Her mother looked at her "Don't tell tales about your brother Judith" she replied.

PAY BACK!!!

Destiny said something.But Ivy was light years away.She remembered Christie's wedding day,the way the gown flowed on her body,how happy she looked.

It had indeed been a beautiful ceremony.Of course the groom's family had spared no expense.Everything was over the top, from the Wedding gown to the decor.

Ivy remembered her own tears that day,seeing her baby sister walk down the aisle towards the love of her life.

....the love of her life.

INTO THE NIGHT

 He clenched his hands.....tightly.

 His nails bit painfully into his palms almost drawing blood.

Death was a beautiful thing.He thought.

He felt the darkness inside him rising.

He trembled slightly, sweat plastered the singlet unto his skin.

He loved this feeling.

As he stood by her window.

He  looked in and saw her talking to her roommates.

He watched her strip, laughing and at ease.

Death was sweeter when they were beautiful.He thought.

He longed to crush her neck and watch the lights go out in her eyes.

Nothing would satisfy the darkness inside him more .

But now wasn't the time, it wasn't the time. He thought.

He tore his eyes away from her window.

As he walked away from the female Hostel towards  the staff quarters, he felt the darkness again.

The hunger for a kill was stronger.

He needed an escape for the night.

 From a distance, he heard a dog bark.

Then he heard it again.....................!.

 The little pest was barking persistently.

  He strolled towards the barking.

FEATURE DEAL

Rufus stared at the document in his hands.

Who would've thought that he'd  own not one, but two Oil Wells in his life time?

He smiled at himself as he stood in the middle of his immaculately furnished office.

"Who would've thought?"he said out loud as he stared out  the window into the city a hundred stories below.

He placed the document on the Fifty Thousand Dollar table and stared at the gold framed portrait on the table.

The smiling faces staring back at him were his most prized possession.

They made having all this wealth worthwhile.

"My wife and son"Rufus said under his breath.

WHY YOU SHOULD RESIST PEER PRESSURE!!!!

INT.POLICE INTERROGATION ROOM.DAY.

Faint glow of a light bulb underneath SLOW ROTATING BLADES of a ceiling fan.

THE UNREST

 LAGOS NIGERIA 11:08pm 15th May 2015


Yvette stared at the screen of the television, the network news was on but she neither saw nor heard a thing that was being said. A spider spun its web above her head, by the faint light provided by the only bulb in the living room.

 The living room was in disarray with toys scattered all over the place, a black currant juice box had been toppled, spilling its crimson contents on the beige rug.

Breakfast that morning had been yam and stew, and it was evident as there were pieces of yam on the centre table. The baby lay on the floor bawling and the toddler had rolled herself into a ball and was asleep. The baby cried still.


The Beginning....

MR and MRS

Abbey watches the young girl walk into the sitting room. She has on a short black gown, a belt accentuates her small waist thus emphasizing the flare of her hips.
She has a dazzling smile on her face. Orits offers her a seat, which she takes and crosses her legs exposing some part of her thighs. Abbey nods his head, the girl has beautiful legs.

 At least she looks good Abbey thought. He was doing this for Orits, anything to get her to stop nagging him about being stressed.

HUSBAND AND WIFE.....smh

An email from a wife to her husband.


I know you're upset.You have every right to be. I know you feel like you've been manipulated,but just know that everything I did was because I love you and the children.
Please don't blame Christie, it wasn't her fault, I talked her into it. I guess being my best friend has it own occupational hazards. I don't know how much she told you, but her having sex with you, was solely my idea not hers.

KOLLUPIA episode 13....the grand Finale

"Sniper!!!....At 6 o'clock"  the First Lieutenant screamed at his men as they all spun around and took cover in the tall grasses.

Two more of his men fell as they fired at the Sniper's position.

The First lieutenant knew the futility of their actions.Their weapons were out of range.

The sniper had the advantage.They were out in the open and he was clearly using a powerful weapon.




He watched the soldiers duck and fire wildly at his position.

Brave.He thought.

Ill-advised,.....but brave.

This was the closest firing position he could find on such short notice, before all the madness began.

He'd followed the girl and her "Companion" to the border.He'd barely had any water to drink in the  past few days and was essentially running on fumes.

But the mission came first.

His instructions had been explicit.

He couldn't believe his luck when his Target suddenly revealed himself in the crowd.

When he saw the soldiers closing in on the Target,he knew he had to act fast.He couldn't risk losing  his Prize just when he had found him.

ANOTHER APOLOGY (from the buttocks of my heart)

Good morning, guys.

I am really sorry to have been M.I.A. I have been ill for a couple of days now, but you all have been in my mind the whole time.

Thank you very much for coming in even when I wasn't posting any new stories.A BIG Thank you to all those who checked up on me via email, fb etcetera.

Been in confined to a bed for a while now.
But don't freak out,I am recovering.

I got tons of stories lined up, (yea I love writing that much).

KOLLUPIA episode 12...battle at the border!!!

Nse and Tari had been running most of the night
Why?

They had stopped over to rest at an abandoned building for the night.Thoughts of Micheal still plagued her.

WHO DUNNIT???

"We're here!!!"Habiba announced as she stepped out of the car.

"Wow!!!" Bola went as she stared at the mansion in front of them.It was inarguably the size of a football field.

THE INCIDENT

All she saw was darkness when she opened her eyes.

She felt slightly woozy and her head hurt.

KOLLUPIA episode 11

Nse felt like pulling the hair from her scalp.

What was she saying?She had no idea how she was going to get to the border.

MY SPOUSE

Hey baby,"Caroline said as she kissed her husband's cheek.

"Sorry I'm late"Timi said with a small voice.

"Exactly, did I expect anything less when I married a Senior Partner at a Lawfirm.?"She said picking up his brief case.

"I threw the food into the micro wave as I saw your car pull up"She said carrying his brief case into the room.

He walked towards the dinning table and sank into one of the chairs.

He was beyond exhausted.

OLUKWU the native doctor part 6

Ekwa!!!"Olukwu spat as he winced in pain again.

It had been two days since that evil Ubong had dealt him an immensely painful blow to the side of his face.

"Wicked man" The Native Doctor said out loud as he scratched the side of his head again.

Was it not pregnancy they asked for?Olukwu wondered.

"Is it a bad thing for a man to be pregnant?"he screamed into his empty shrine.

It had been quite an ordeal.

UNREPENTANT MISTRESS 11 Amaka engaged???

Time froze as I stared at the ring.

I didnt know what to think......okay,that's a lie...I knew exactly what I was thinking,which was 'Now,where could I sell the damn thing?'

KOLLUPIA episode 10

The street was still.

Nothing stirred, save for the loud flies over rotten corpses and whiffs of smoke from burning buildings.

She kept to the walls of buildings as Micheal had taught her.

"Always stay close to the walls"He'd told her.

"Always stay close to cover"

The sun's heat was unusually intense this morning she thought,as she stepped over the corpse of a young boy.

His bloodied skin was broken and torn
up in many places.

She looked away and tightened her grip on her gun, as she prepared to cross the street.

Sound of gun shots up ahead.

HOW BAD CAN A FIRST DATE GET???

She smiled at me again as the Waiter brought over our bottle of wine.

Yep!I thought.She was a beautiful woman.

"So how come it took you this long to accept my Friend Request online?"she asked as the Waiter opened the bottle.

RISE OF THE CLANS

The horses were restless as the air got colder.

She gathered her robe about her to fight the chill.

The mist, was slowly beginning to thicken, nearly obscuring the path ahead of them.

THE INFANT 3

She seemed oblivious to their presence.

"Jesus!!!" Tunde heard His wife's voice say.

There was an eerie rumble in the heavens.

Tunde took a hesistant step towards Victoria and the baby.

KOLLUPIA episode 9

She panted as she stared at the ceiling.

She could hear her  own breathing in the stillness of the room.

Her mind was blank.

THE INFANT 2

Victoria froze.

It suddenly seemed like there was no air in the room.

All she could hear was the distant ticking of the living room clock.

PASTOR BOSCO episode 4

"No weapon formed against me shall prosper!!!"Pastor Bosco yelled over his shoulder,as he fled for his life.

Of course the he knew that there were few mortals (living or dead) whom could catchup with him.

THE INFANT

At first when he heard it,he thought he was still dreaming.
It was loud,almost as loud as the thunder and rain outside.

"Can you hear that..sounds like a baby?"Gloria whispered into his ear.

The warmth of her naked  body made the notion of getting out of bed to investigate the noise a very dull affair.

The cries were louder now.

"Probably one of the neighbour's...I guess"Tunde mumbled as he reached for his wife's soft body.

WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL!!!!

  My uncle KARIBO and his wife ELIZABETH are the kind of couple every one notices.

Just looking at them, you can tell they were a very attractive couple in their younger years.My Uncle is in his  late Sixties/early Seventies.

I SEE GHOSTS.......!!!!!

"I see can see ghosts" I said plainly to the Him.

There was a weird long silence in the room.

The Doctor's name tag simply said "Dr Pere".He sat across from me regarding me  as if I were some new experimental drug he wasn't sure was safe for use.

Long silence.

KOLLUPIA episode 8

The Major's screams echoed across the road as the heavy down pour gave way to a drizzle.

Micheal stood perfectly still watching Kuro as he clutched his leg in pain.

Long Silence.

There was a look of defiant rage in The Major's eyes .

MR AND MRS

Eze dipped his ball of akpu into the bowl of soup, and put it into his mouth, immediately making a face. He turned to his friend Ibe, who was eating his food and scrolling through his phone at the same time.
“O boy, who cooked this food?” he asked whispering.

 Ibe looked up at his friend “My wife.. why are you asking?” he said looking into his friend’s plate.

“hmmm nothing” Eze said, as Nkem walked into the dining room carrying another serving pot. She smiled at Eze, and offered him more soup. Eze declined with a vigorous shake of his head.

THE ABUSER......(her story)

Why doesn't he fight back?why does he just sit there and take it?what sort of man(if I can still call him a man) lets a woman smack him around for the sake of love?

UNCOVERED

She walked down the stairs, her mind spinning out of control. She didn’t know when she got to the end of the staircase, and she tripped. She held unto the wall, to keep her from falling on her face.

No one seemed to pay attention to her. All around her there was a buzz of activity. She felt like screaming. Why did she have to go through her pains all alone? Why didn’t anyone care how she felt? People passed by her, going up and the stairs without even a nod in her direction. She felt so helpless.

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER QUIT!!!

Heard a very inspiring tale today.
I decided to share it.For a while,I've been going through some deep and troubling personal  issues that have made slip into a strange kind of depression that I never realized would affect me so much.
Without going into details,lets just say that in Less than three hours today,about 80% of the problems I'd been going through were solved.
Just like that!

THE SWEET DEAL

Olisa walked out of the house, like a gentleman. He had on a gray suit tailored by brooks brothers, bespoke for him. A Hublot Classic Fusion Haute Joaillerie glittered on his wrist, and black handmade Tanono Crisci shoes, completed his ensemble. When he got outside the house, he put on a pair of Chopard’s sunglasses, to protect his eyes from the harsh glare of the sun. He walked to his car port, got into a silver Bentley and drove out of his villa.

KOLLUPIA EPISODE 7

It  felt like it lasted for a millenium.

All through,he had struggled and screamed(or at least attempted to).

All through,the men chuckled,made jokes as his ordeal continued.

The pain was like nothing he'd ever experienced before.

IF YOU HAD THREE WISHES......WHAT WOULD YOU WISH FOR???pt 2

"This is a really messy place" I heard him say behind me.

"Oh God!"I exclaimed as I turned around.

"You're real"I said.

He was standing in the middle of the room.He wasn't wearing a police uniform.

He was dressed in a T-shirt and pair of shorts.He seemed like a tourist looking for directions to a nearby beach.

To be fair,he was a actually a very good looking man.

He stared at my room in disgust.
"Haven't you heard of a house keeper?"He said staring at the heap of clothes by the door.

"....what's happening to me....what's going on?"I said closing the bathroom door behind me.


He seemed a little distracted.Perhaps it was the musty smell ,or untidiness of the room.

"...you got what you asked for didn't you...?" He asked looking casually about my space.

"....look,...I don't know what's going on....I thought It was a dream,....I was drunk,...it was late....."

"You'll likely be detained for a couple of days...." He said staring at a pair of boxers on the floor.

Yep,he definitely had a limp.

And what kind of name was Vodun,anyway?I wondered.

"This isn't what I asked for....this isn't..."I began.
But once again he cut me off.

"...When a Billion Dollars suddenly pops up in someone's bank account in Nigeria,....people tend to get suspicious."He said.


Long pause

"What are you.....are you like a Demon or something...?"I asked looking him over

But seriously,who or what was he?I thought.

A witch,a spirit or figment of my imagination?

Maybe I was hallucinating.

Maybe this were the product of a bad break up.


He smiled at me the way a loving father would to his child.

"You  have two wishes left...use them wisely" he said.

My phone was ringing again.
It was Mr Ahmed again.

"....what do I do?" I asked him. All this was getting scary.

Phone was still ringing.

".....what ever you're going to do,do it quickly....they probably have your address ...."Vodun Said with a mild chuckle.

"God!I just wish the money wasn't in my account .....I just wish I were a normal guy with a horde of women chasing after  instead of worrying about being gang raped in prison...."I said.

I was talking really fast and pacing back and forth my messy room like some mad person.I had to think.

Could I "wish" this all away?I thought

That would leave me with just one wish.

And what would happen to all that money?

Where would it go?I needed to opportunity to rub it in Vivian's face one day.

Then it hit me.

I could wish for more wishes.

Genius. I thought.

Just genius.

I could feel the sweat rolling down my skin.

I was so excited by this new Idea.

Vodun just kept on smiling.

Phone had stopped ringing.

"...What are you smiling about...?"I asked curiously.

Could he read minds too?

Vodun took a small bow.

"Your wish is my command" He said delightfully.

"W-wait....I didn't wish any thing..."I said frantically.

"You just did,my friend and now...you're out of wishes"he said delightfully.

Was this a trick?What was he talking about?

"You are out of wishes. Very few have this opportunity....I will be back in seven days for your soul ....enjoy your women while you can.....bye!"Vodun said with a chuckle.

"Wait...when did I make two more wishes?....you tricked me...you...."I was walking towards him,when he snapped his fingers.

Once again,I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling.

Was it a dream? I wondered.

Then I heard them.

Hundreds of voices....female voices.

The sounds were getting louder by the second.

They were coming from my gate.

I rushed off the bed.Thankfully,this time I didn't have to worry about a migraine.

Once again,I stumbled over some clothes....and shoes on the floor.

I heard their voices  chanting in unison as I approached the window.

"We want Iyke!!! We want Iyke!!! We want Iyke!!!"

Outside my gate was at least a hundred or so women(young and old) with several large Placards with words like;
 'Iyke,I want to have your babies. ... I want you now Iyke......My body is yours Iyke"

That last One was particularly disturbing because the woman holding it had to be at least Eighty years old.
They kept on chanting together.

"We want Iyke!!!"

I gulped.


That was five days ago.

As I write this now,I am standing on the roof of a fast food eatery. The entire building is surrounded by women....all shapes and sizes.young and old.

I haven't been able to sleep for the past five days.

I have been sexually abused and man handled more times than I can count.

I barely managed to escape my own home with my life.

It has been  hell.

"We want Iyke!!!"
If I hear that chant one more time,I'll kill myself.

But then again if the fall from this height didn't kill me,these lustful demons down there would rape me to death.

I have tried calling Vodun but got no response.

I have brought out a small mirror I managed to smuggle out of my house when the 'horde' attacked.

"We want Iyke!!!"

Right now,I'd gladly give him anything, even my soul for some peace.

"Vodun!Vodun!Vodun!"

"We want Iyke!!!"

"Oh God! Where is he???"

LIFE IS A CHOICE MY FRIEND
SO CHOOSE WISELY
ENOUGH SAID

IF YOU HAD THREE WISHES,....WHAT WOULD YOU WISH FOR?

I stared at him in silence wondering just how drunk I was.

Had I finished an entire bottle?

I continued looking at this strange police man as the night wore on.

Somewhere in the alcoholic fumes, I recalled staring at my watch not too long ago(which couldn't have been up to an hour)

But then again,I couldn't really be sure of anything could I ?

I mean,there I was at maybe 2:00AM or so parked by the side of a lonely road talking to a Weird Police man who had just told me he was a Genie with the power to grant me three wishes.

YOU CHEAT,...YOU DIE!!!!

Sotonye's hands shook as she picked up the gun.

She could still hear them in the guest room.

PASTOR BOSCO episode 3

Calling the small room Pastor Bosco sat in an office would be like calling a Batcher a Serviced Flat.

It was essientially a small room,with a single window,a leaking ceiling, unpainted walls,and an untiled floor.

It had two plastic chairs and an old wooden table with enough nails on it to start a small carpentery workshop.

Thankfully,the heat wasn't so bad today.

DERANGED

The killer carefully cut off the left breast. Who ever thought one person could have so much blood? Looking at her face, killer noted that she still looked proud even in death. Proud and beautiful, as she had always been referred to whenever she made headlines, which was often. The boob didnt look so perky and attractive in killer's hand. Just a blob of fatty flesh. She was such a beautiful woman, her dead skin didnt look pale yet, as rigor mortis had not set in.

WHO KILLED ISAAC????

Blood dripped from the machete, and the smell of death hung in the air, Opuene looked at Isaac’s body, and tears filled her eyes. She threw the machete on the floor, and bent down to check for a pulse. A voice in her head, told her that he was obviously dead, considering the amount of blood in the room. She had no idea what to do. She searched her bag for her phone, but stopped herself before she dialed the number. She had to think.


1 MONTH EARLIER

CRAZY TWIST

Time seemed to move slower as she stared at  the nozzle of the gun being pressed against her husband's temple.

The stink of fear was over powering in the living room as the married couple stared in terror at the three intruders that had broken into their home.

The three masked men had bound the couples' hands behind their backs and forced them to their knees.

"Please..."  she heard Tokini say as her husband pleaded for their lives.

KOLLUPIA episode 6

She was trapped and she knew it.The men didn't sound like they were going anywhere.

For the past ten hours or so she'd heard them search the house,thrash her place,fight each other and then fall asleep.

They'd wake up and do it all over again.
She had to remain perfectly still.She thought.
though this compartment Micheal had built for her was safe enough,she doubted it could survive ramming in the event that her hiding place was discovered.

UNREPENTANT MISTRESS episode10

No matter how Bad ass you think you are,there's always some one badder……..

So there I was thinking I'd heard the last of that mystery caller.

I was on my way to see Celestine..Yes I said it Celestine.

......BROWN EYES.....

I opened my eyes.

It was still night time.

I could see few stars in the night sky.There were the sounds of crickets and frogs coming from nearby.
I knew I was by a river.I wasn't sure how I knew this, but....... I just knew.

ITOHAN

He looked at her sleeping form, and his mind was made up. He picked up his phone and dialed a number. The voice at the other end, had been expecting his call. Three minutes later, all the arrangements had been made, and he joined her in bed.

The next morning, Itohan woke up and couldn’t find Usiosefe. She was alarmed, considering the discussion they had before going to bed last night.
She got up, and went outside only to meet him coming into the compound, with a smile on his face. She felt lighter, maybe everything would be fine after all.

MR AND MRS

“Bankole I know how much you love your mother, I love my mum no less but…”

“But what Ada? I wonder where all this is coming from” Bankole interjected looking at his wife in dismay.

“Baby listen to me, I know how unbelievable it sounds, but your mother doesn’t like me. She has never hidden that fact from me. She is nice to me in your presence, but the moment your back is turned, she turns into an entirely different person.” Ada told her husband.

KOLLUPIA episode 5

"Killer!!killer!!killer!!"

Came their chants.But Opuwari could barely hear them.

He could barely feel the scorching surface of the concrete road against his backside.

The machete was still trembling in his hand.the hilt felt strangely familiar in his grasp as the blade still dripped with the pregnant woman's blood.

PASTOR BOSCO 2

Pastor bosco stared at the buses. Getting into a bus and preaching was risky. The last time he tried it,he was shocked just how stingy people could be. At the end of the bus ride after wasting his holy saliva to preach all he'd gotten was Forty Naira.can you imagine that?FORTY NAIRA!!

The bus had at least Ten People inside it and that's all they could give? Useless people and they wonder why God doesn't answer their prayers.mtchewww!

He got into one of the buses, still pondering on his ordeal. The fare was One Hundred Naira and right off he'd known that his famous "the love of money..." Wouldn't work with the large muscular bus conductor.

MR AND MRS

Daisy opened one of her eyes, and looked at Tommy who had both eyes shut and was seriously praying. She shook her head, and kept staring at him with just one eye.
“Lord give my wife the ability to be understanding, she should know that the economy is melting down, she should know that things are not easy, give her a heart to manage, to manage for love, to manage as the home maker…..”

Tommy went on for five more minutes, at the end of which Daisy shouted a resounding “AMEN”


Daisy sat at the dining table, waiting for Tommy to come out of the room for breakfast. He came in, looking dapper in a grey suit. She stood up and served him breakfast. She waited for him to start his meal, then she said “Honey bunch, so how much are you leaving for me for what we discussed last night?”
 Tommy looked up at her
“Sugar pie, you of all people should know how it is, the construction sector is having a real problem, cash is not coming in. I don’t have any money”

Daisy looked at her husband and smiled. “Bee hive, are you saying nothing for me?”

KOLLUPIA ...episode 4

The room was still.

All eyes were fixed upon Opuwari as he pointed the rifle at The Soldier, who didn't flinch or seem uneasy at Opuwari's obvious stupidity.

Long silence.

LET'S GO TO CHURCH.....

Henry didn't like Pentecostal Churches for three reasons;
1. they were too noisy,
2.the Pastors moved around too much whilst preaching(which he found a little disconcerting)
and
3. they had one too many offerings

The truth was, he didn't like ANY church.

His knowledge of the Bible was limited to;
"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth..... "
and
 "...for God so loved the world......"

And lets not forget;

 ".....and on the Seventh day, He rested....."Which was Henry's Champion excuse for staying home on Sundays.

"...If God did it,...why can't I?" he'd always say.

KOLLUPIA episode 3

The Guy moved like a seasoned sprinter.

His pace never faltered.He was definitely military. Damiete thought as he tried to catch his breath.

The rifle Damiete had picked up from the dead Pott-bellied guy was heavy.He'd never held a rifle before.It just seemed Alien in his hands.

He could hear the labored breathing of his companions behind him.He would deal with  Opuwari later he thought.

KOLLUPIA EPISODE 2

The smell of burning flesh filled the air.

 Damiete stood looking at the people with him.

Aside from Kadilo,Ebi,Opuwari,and Joe the bouncer, there were three other people in the group.

There were the skinny brothers Ben, Simon and a fat Girl named Ngozi.

They had been walking for almost an hour.

Everywhere they turned was death and destruction.
Dead bodies,burning cars and bullet riddled buildings.

SHUN VIOLENCE .........PRE-ELECTION MESSAGE

I decided to say something about the coming elections.

And it's not because I'm out of stories or was too busy to come up with a decent plot.
But simply because I want to speak to my friends(Nigerians and otherwise).

I  believe in this country.

Why?
Because this is my home.I was born and raised here like a lot of people reading this.

Nigeria is a great country.

I don't believe one is called a Giant for nothing.

A lot of good things have come out of this Country; The Super Eagles,
Isiewu,
Crude Oil,
Bole and Fish,

PASTOR BOSCO

It was 5AM.

Ike walked briskly towards  the Pastor's house that morning.
Five times that week  had tried catching the Man of God at home, with no success.

This time was going to be different, he thought. He had woken up two hours earlier than usual.

His wife had already given him an earful that morning.

"Are you not a man?" she had screamed at him in the bedroom.

Are you his tenant  or landlord??.....biko. go and be a man"

So there he was, on the way to Pastor Bosco's one bedroom to collect the rent.

KOLLUPIA!!!!

 He splashed some more water on his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror.His eyes were red and he wasn't certain if the ringing in his ears was coming from the muffled sounds of the nightclub upstairs or from inside his head.

The alcohol in his system was raging.
He could feel it's heat surging through him like liquid fire.

He had to keep it together.He thought to himself.

"She's here because of you"Damiete whispered to his reflection.

THE UNREPENTANT MISTRESS PT 9

 Celestine had called over Two hundred Times.Oh!and did I mention that he had gone to inform the entire village that we were engaged?

My dear,the Guy more or less told my entire community that we had already fixed a wedding date.See me see trouble oh.
Since then he'd been calling me like some crazy stalker.

He'd call me and tell me how our children would be so beautiful, how happy we would be bla bla bla.



It was after he hung up that I got ANOTHER call.
It was a private number. As a general rule, I dont pick private numbers, but every experienced  Mistress knows,you don't ignore private numbers.A lot of new clients are cautious and so call that way.
Anyway, she told me my days were numbered.
she told me she knew everything about me.
She even knew the Number Plates of two of my cars.(which I thought was creepy)
She said she was going to deal with me.
She called me a whore and home wrecker.
She said first she would have me stripped, beaten in public......and then bathed in acid.
I was a little rattled by this.
When I asked who she was she simply said;
"This isn't a warning Amaka....it's a promise"
Then she hung up.

HAPPILY EVER-AFTER???? PRT2

THURSDAY 6:56AM
"Bae...Darego are you okay.?" It was Iris' voice. He opened his eyes to find her crouched by him. She had a worried look  in her eyes.
As his eyes opened, he felt a searing pain at the back of his head.
"What happened?" she asked as he struggled to sit up.
His head was pounding.
"I woke up and found you on the floor" she said
 Darego wasn't certain if she were serious.

Was that supposed to be a joke?"he asked.

"Why are you sounding so harsh,...what happened?" she asked defensively.

He stared at her for long time.

"You don't remember  standing by the bed stark naked and speaking some weird language?" he said staring incredulously at her.

She opened her eyes real wide.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER?????

There was blood every where;On the carpet,across the overturned couch,on the shattered TV screen and even on the walls

Most of the furniture were either ripped, torn,broken or shattered.
.
By the fragments of center table was a bloodied severed finger.

It all seemed so unreal. Collins thought.
Nothing about what he was seeing made any sense.He'd had lunch and dinner in this flat many times before.
He fought back the urge to throw up. As a medical doctor, he had seen his fair share of blood and severed limbs.But this was different.He thought.
This used to be a home.Now.......... it was a slaughter house


On the far side of the wall was a picture of Chidi and Ngozi.They were holding hands and staring into each other's eyes.They both had smiles on their faces.

Collins watched as the Police carried their bloodied bodies out of the flat.

What had happened?He pondered as  more Policemen entered the flat.

OLUKWU THE NATIVE DOCTOR PT 5

Olukwu sat cross legged at the center of his shrine, as he busied himself with mixing of the potion.

His mind was focused on the job at hand. So focused in fact that he seemed indifferent to Pamela's singing outside.

In the past few days, her feelings for him had gone from infatuation to borderline obsession.Now she was talking about starting a family.To be fair, the concept of marriage terrified Olukwu. Even before his CALLING,he had hated it.He hated children. They were too noisy and smelled terrible.
The truth was he couldn't stand the company of a woman for too long.
He couldn't stand the company of ANYONE for too long.

SARA'S SECRET

“You better not tell him.oh!.....Hian!......, are you crazy?” Tina said to Sara looking at her like she had suddenly developed horns.
 Sara sat down, and fixed her eyes to a  spot on the rugged floor.

“Sometimes you can sound so naive” Tina continued shaking her head.

“But I don’t think it's a good idea to keep it a secret, considering that he has told me all his own secrets” Sara said defensively.
Tina's eyes almost popped out of their sockets when she said;

“Who told you he doesn't have secrets? Some things are better left unsaid Sara. Men cannot be trusted. He will  use it against you one day. Trust me, have I ever lied to you?”She asked  as she sat next to Sara on the couch.

Sara shook her head “No you haven't” she replied in a small voice.
She suddenly felt very foolish for even considering it in the first place. That was why she had come to Tina. Tina was the only friend she had, and was wiser when it came to such matters.

OLUKWU THE NATIVE DOCTOR pt4

OLUKWU sat cross legged  in the centre of the shrine. His eyes were closed as he seemed to be in a deep state of meditation.Perhaps he was communing with the spirits or......

".....cause alllllll of me,....loves alllll of you" came Pamela's voice from outside. She was sweeping the entrance of the shrine as she sang her love song.

"My sunshine" her voice called out. Olukwu's face made a slight frown.

"Have you finished praying to the spirits?"her voice asked.

No answer.Olukwu suddenly seems lost in his meditation again.

"My sunshine!"she calls out again.

Still no answer.

UNREPENTANT MISTRESS 8: AMAKA MEETS CELESTINE EGOCHOPPINS

Amaka stood in the center of the kitchen staring at her mother.
Two weeks ago,she was in the Bahamas.Having the time of her life with Kayode.She had to admit,it had been fun.
After all the drama with the baby, she had really needed a break.
She'd told Kayode she would stop at Lagos.Which he'd protested against saying how he loved her so much and  never wanted her to be out of his sight,bla bla bla.

It hadn't been easy.
Short of taking a blood oath,she'd promised him she'd meet him in Port Harcourt after she'd met with her Pastor in Lagos for a Three Day fasting and Prayer Session.

The last thing she needed was Dr Kayode Secretly following her to her village.
The thought of Dr kayode finding the location of her birth place was just scary.


Now as she stood in front of her mother,she was faced with the question most dreaded by Single girls.
"Tom-Tom,when are you going to settle down?"her mother asked leaning against the sink.
She had avoided coming to the village specifically because of that question.
She suddenly missed Ogechi(her kid sister) whom was at school writing her exams.Whenever Ogechi were around, Amaka didn't feel so lonely before Mama.....like she did now.
The two women stood silently regarding each other.
"Mama..,.,",Amaka began
"And don't give me stories about your job at the bank,just tell me when" her mother said.
Of course,Amaka couldn't tell her mother she was more or less whoring herself about in Port Harcourt.She'd often wondered how that conversation would go.
"Mama,don't worry I will marry as soon as I raise enough capital from prostitution.But even "AFTER" I marry, it is still my dream to run an international brothel of my own someday.I'm just believing God sha"

3:15

After she had told him to get out of the car,Deji stood on the Road helplessly watching his girlfriend   struggle to bring the White Range Rover back to life.
With each failed attempt,her frustration grew worse.
"CRAP!" he heard her yell as she desperately tried the ignition yet again.
This was bad.He thought.
Deji knew how angry Belema could get.  He knew she was going to blame him for this.

As the chill of the night breeze tickled his skin through his T-shirt,he suddenly wished he hadn't insisted on driving them back to the hotel that night.
He wished he'd just allowed her drive from the party But what else was he supposed to do?For so long,she'd accused him of not "taking charge" of the relationship.
Before they'd left the party that night, he could tell Belema was a little drunk.

He tried to blot out from his mind the fact that she'd been flirting with his friend Abu most of the night.She was drunk.He had convinced himself.........She was drunk.

THE MORNING AFTER

Furo woke up with a terrible headache. Eze's arm lay lazily on her waist .
The sunlight was streaming in through the windows that Saturday morning.
she slowly sat up on the and massaged her forehead.
"Next time.......",she whispered to herself,
"....don't dance so close to the speakers.....no matter how drunk you think you are."
The ringing in her ears just wouldn't stop.It felt like a small parade of drum beats and wild flashing images were going on in her head.
For the life of her,she couldn't recall how many shots of Vodka she'd had that night. Her last count was Six......or Seven(maybe Eight)she just wasn't sure.
Everything else after that, was a blur of loud music,cigarette whiffs,sharp taste of alcohol and bodies pressed up against her.
It had been crazy,she thought to herself, but it had also been fun.She hadn't had that much fun in a long time.

THE ABUSER pt 2

So much blood......His body lay twitching on the floor.I watched the knocked over bowl of egusi soup mixing with the dark crimson fluid that oozed out of Kenneth's opened mouth.

I couldn't believe how easy it had been.
'Heat up the soup and pour in the  small box  of broken razor blades.Serve the food, then stand and watch him die'.
I must admit, after years of "beatings" I honestly didn't think  I could go through with this.

Over the years, Kenneth had broken my ribs,dislocated my shoulder,broken my nose and Sexually Abused me more times than I can remember.
For months I had contemplated suicide, being trapped in this house with no one to talk to. not knowing when HE was going to return and not knowing WHAT he was going to do.It was a terrifying way to live.I didn't know if I had the strength to go on until  I'd spoken to Kingsley.
The truth is,Kenneth never knew that the contact saved as "Electrician" on my phone was actually his brother's number.

THE ABUSER!!!!

She's staring at me from the ground.Her bloodstained face, full of tears.I clench and unclench my fist..feeling the dark anger inside me rise again.
Then I hit her again....and again....and again until her screams turn to pitiful whimpers of pain.
"kenneth....please!" she says in a small voice as she hides her face in her hands.
I stand over her for a little while longer as the darkness inside me slowly subsides.
Maybe in a perfect world, I shouldn't have hit her. Maybe in a perfect world I should control myself more.But we don't live in a perfect world .
In the world we live in,She's my wife....A wife must submit to her husband.....or is that not what the Bible says?

OLUKWU THE NATIVE DOCTOR part 3

It was a sunny Wednesday Morning.The tide was mild and as gentle as the breeze that swept across the hut. Olukwu sat at the entrance of the small hut enjoying a full Calabash of Kolanuts.He seemed oblivious to everything else as he blissfully chewed away.

"OLUKWU! OLUKWU!!!"came the voice of the spirits.

But the Native doctor seemed not the hear the beckoning  of the Spirits
"OLUKWU,.....YOU ARE EATING THE MORNING OFFERING!!!!"He ignored it.He began murmuring under his breath,
"...I..can not eat Kola...I cannot touch breast....we will see where you will chop offering this morning...."
"OLUKWU!!!!!!!" the voice was louder this time.

"Ekwa!!"He snapped throwing a piece of partially eaten kolanut to the ground in irritation.
"What is it...eh? what is it???" Olukwu rushed up to his feet combatantly as the wrapper almost fell off his waist.He grabbed the fabric quickly just  before it "exposed" him.
"Will I not eat my kola in peace again....eh?" he shouted towards the heavens.With his free hand, he pulled at an ear lobe in a warning gesture.
"..........don't disturb me this morning oh....if you don't want my trouble!"with that the angry  native doctor began picking up his Calabash as a group of Teenage girls passed by with Buckets of water.
They stared curiosly at the Chalk-Faced-Partialy nude man.Clearly they were wondering who he was shouting at.
"What is your business??....GETOUT" Olukwu yelled charging towards them.His sudden movements loosened  the wrapper  from his body,revealing his Manhood.The girls panicked and took to their heels but not before discarding their buckets...unceremoniously.
".....AND IF I SEE YOU HERE AGAIN,...I..I WILL IMPREGNATE YOU!!!" He yelled after the frightened girls,as he covered himself up again.
"Nonsense" he said still glaring at the fleeing Teenagers.
"....coming here to show me Nyansh"he murmured to himself as he returned to his hut.In his haste to harrass the girls,he had knocked over his Calabash.The ground was littered with his freshly peeled Kolanuts.
"Mtcheeew!" he went in disgust as he bent down(with a painful grunt) to pick his Kolanuts.

UNREPENTANT MISTRESS PRT 7 amaka and her pregnancy!!

Amaka is driving her Black 2015 Jaguar XF through the streets of Gra.There's LOUD  Rock music Playing from the Stereo.
She seems lost in the euphoria of the rhythm.

Her phone RINGS.

She casually stares at the screen and SMILES.
Then she takes the call.

"Hello?"a male voice says.The boom from the speakers clearly hurts her ears.She winces and turns down the volume.

"Hello?" comes the male voice again,slightly impatient.
"Hey baby" she says with  some mischievous in her eyes.
"How are you feeling?"the Voice asks
"Well,..."she begins, as she turns into a new street.There's practically no traffic on the road.

"....the stomach pain is not so bad...and emm...the bleeding has reduced...but the headaches are still there and I'm still nauseous"she says.

There is silence on the other end.

"Hello.....are you still there?"she asks after awhile
"Yes I am",the male voice says.
"Okay,"Amaka says.

"Sorry,I just don't understand how people can be so wicked," the Male voice says with a hint of anger.

"It's okay baby.Thank God you were there to save me from that evil couple. I owe you....a BIG ONE...once I'm better" she says with a smile..

There's another silence on the other end.

OLUKWU THE NATIVE DOCTOR.part 2

Olukwu rises from his crouched position after Pamela left.Images of her cleavage still filled his head. Chai! The girl was beautiful! he thought to himself.He had wanted her for so long. Ever since Amaka had brought her here.Where was Amaka sef ?he wondered .clearly she had found another Juju Priest else where.
"These young girls are so ungrateful"He said out loud.After all, wasn't he the one who gave Amaka her first Charm? And what did he get out of it?Nothing absolutely nothing.Not once did she ever just say to herself "let me sleep here with this old man and ease his loneliness."LIE LIE!!!!!.All they know is; "give me,give me!!!!" They never think about him.
"Baba, I want children....."He mimicked ."Oh!...I want to be rich, I want him to love me......ekwa ekwa ekwa!"

 He adjusted his wrapper.It had been falling off his waist for some months now.
He remembered when he was a young man,before the SPIRITS called him to serve.He was quite "a terror" to girls back then.
He smiled at the memory.If it was that time eh?He would've FINISHED Pamela sharp-sharp.

And that's what they used to call him back then(when he still had friends)Olukwu "sharp-sharp".
Now, look at him.Alone and by himself at the age of......... Well.....to be fair, he wasn't really sure of how old he was.His last count was 43, but that was years ago.
As first High Priest of The Spirits, he was forbidden to have a wife or a child.When the time was right, The Spirits would send him an apprentice.As custom, he would teach this apprentice everything he knew till the day he left this world.
"Biko!he said out loud with his arms stretched to the ceiling of his hut.
"Let that day come soon...before I die of Loneliness"

OLUKWU THE NATIVE DOCTOR

Olukwu, the Native Doctor was a smallish man with a slender frame.He was in his late Sixties,but the constant white chalk-mask he wore made it almost impossible to discern his age. 

 He stared at Pamela in silence as sounds of the rising tide from the nearby river filled the air.It was evening,which meant that the various groups of blood sucking insects were up and about.

She hated coming here for several reasons.First off,the Road leading up to the JUJU house was inaccessible to cars, which meant trekking through a thick  BUSH for about Ten Minutes and another Five Minutes of Muddy ground.

As always,by the time she arrived at the hut, her well manicured feet looked like they belonged to a refugee fleeing a civil war in her country.
Her second reason for hating this trip,was the way Olukwu the native doctor stared at her.He seemed fascinated by her boobs and rarely looked at her face.
He would lick his lips as he gazed hungrily at them.
She'd been coming here for Years and each time,she had to remind herself to wear clothes that didn't give the clearly lustful man anything to see.
But today was different.She had an emergency,which meant no time to pick the right type of top.In fact all she had on were a flimsy pair of shorts and a top that left very little to the imagination.
Her boobs were barely contained inside the revealing top. Of course this was a great source of pleasure to the horny-chalk-painted faced man.

THE NIGERIAN OIL COMPANY JOB INTERVIEW!!!!

PHONE RINGING

RINGING.........

CALL CONNECTS!!!

BOMA* Hello??? ....hello??

STATIC.......

BOMA* Hello?......can you hear me?

MAN* .....(clears throat) Yes....hello?...I can hear you!!!!

BOMA*I received an sms from this number,saying something about a job....

MAN* (static).....yes? we want you to come for the Interview

BOMA*Interview........?......what's the name of your company sir?

MAN*..........The Nigerian Oil Company.......

BOMA* ....Hello?...please can you repeat that....?

MAN*.............The Nigerian Oil Company .....We do everything Oil and gas.....our head office is in London

HOW TO MESS UP YOUR BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING!!!!!

"Do you ADA......." the Reverend was saying as the Bride and Groom stared lovingly into each other's eyes.I had to admit, they looked good together.
George(the groom) looked quite dashing in his black suit.Ada's mermaid wedding dress was sexy as hell.Both of them seemed to be glowing with "the radiance of love"...if you want to call it that.
The church was packed full.The were so many  celebrities and 'high-rollers' scattered about the church.And I think the guy seated next to me was a celebrity or something.People kept  on coming up to him and going;
"I'm your biggest fan....I love your show....bla bla bla" It was a little annoying especially since the ceremony itself had begun.

And on top of that, Mr Celebrity  kept on staring down my bust-line as if 'my boobs' were an exciting new fashion trend he'd just discovered.
I threw a casual glance in his direction.Dude was sooo not my type.Besides I think he had bad breath.....either that or he farted each time  he opened his mouth.