UNREPENTANT MISTRESS 8: AMAKA MEETS CELESTINE EGOCHOPPINS

Amaka stood in the center of the kitchen staring at her mother.
Two weeks ago,she was in the Bahamas.Having the time of her life with Kayode.She had to admit,it had been fun.
After all the drama with the baby, she had really needed a break.
She'd told Kayode she would stop at Lagos.Which he'd protested against saying how he loved her so much and  never wanted her to be out of his sight,bla bla bla.

It hadn't been easy.
Short of taking a blood oath,she'd promised him she'd meet him in Port Harcourt after she'd met with her Pastor in Lagos for a Three Day fasting and Prayer Session.

The last thing she needed was Dr Kayode Secretly following her to her village.
The thought of Dr kayode finding the location of her birth place was just scary.


Now as she stood in front of her mother,she was faced with the question most dreaded by Single girls.
"Tom-Tom,when are you going to settle down?"her mother asked leaning against the sink.
She had avoided coming to the village specifically because of that question.
She suddenly missed Ogechi(her kid sister) whom was at school writing her exams.Whenever Ogechi were around, Amaka didn't feel so lonely before Mama.....like she did now.
The two women stood silently regarding each other.
"Mama..,.,",Amaka began
"And don't give me stories about your job at the bank,just tell me when" her mother said.
Of course,Amaka couldn't tell her mother she was more or less whoring herself about in Port Harcourt.She'd often wondered how that conversation would go.
"Mama,don't worry I will marry as soon as I raise enough capital from prostitution.But even "AFTER" I marry, it is still my dream to run an international brothel of my own someday.I'm just believing God sha"

At the end of such a conversation,Amaka was fairly certain, mama would probably have a heart attack or a stroke, maybe both.
She eyed her mother closely and then gave the reply most mothers wanted to hear;
"Mama I just haven't found the right person.....and you know I'm still a virgin, I don't want to make a mistake"
Her mother was quiet for a while As she seemed to think deeply on this.

"Will you at least give this Celestine fellow a chance?"Her mother pleaded.
Amaka smiled and said;
"I will try"
"Tom-Tom"her mother said embracing her warmly.
"Your father is no more,...at least let me see my grandchildren eh?"her mother said rubbing the side of her face.
"My sweet Tom-Tom",her mother said fondly.
After what she'd just been through,the thought of children made her want to vomit. But she forced a smile anyway.

The next evening,the house was a Flurry of activity as caterers and servants darted up and down the mansion her mother lived in.
Uncle Mike and his entourage arrived in a convoy of Range Rovers
Though it wasn't an official Introduction,Amaka's mother spared no expense to make a point that;
"My daughter is not from a poor home"

As the visitors trooped in, Amaka stole a glance in the direction of Uncle Mike's god son Celestine.
He hadn't said much. But She already knew that even "If"she were considering it,he didn't fit the bill.
1.He was short
2.He had Pot-Belly
And
3.(which she considered most disturbing)was his sense of fashion.He wore a Purple hat,a white Long sleeve shirt(possibly Versace)
the color of his pants were green,and he topped it with a pair of yellow Wing-tipped boots.
I mean who does that?Amaka wondered.

Just before the Guests arrived,her mother had given her a small lecture on "how to handle men".
She'd sat through the session listening,asking questions(anything to put her mama's mind at ease)

"Don't act too shy around men....try and relax"her mother had told her.
"If he tries to hold your hand,don't be afraid....one day,you will learn to touch a man" her mother said with a shy giggle.

Mama you have no idea, Amaka thought to herself.

The moment finally came.Uncle Mike and her mother exchanged 'knowing' looks.It was Time for Amaka and Celestine to talk.

The small living room downstairs had already been cleared of people.
They Both sat down on a couch.

For a long time,they Said nothing to each other. Celestine just looked at her like she were the most delicious item on a menu.

"Beby ya d one"he said flatly with a steady gaze.

Amaka wasn't sure she had heard right.

"Infat,as I see you am jus respecting masef....if not, I will jus romance you here" Celestine said with all seriousness,as he slid closer to her on the couch.
Amaka had been with a lot of men and received a lot of lustful stares from them.But Celestine's particular brand of 'hunger' was new to her.She felt a little uneasy.

With a polite smile,she slid a few inches away to the edge of the couch.She silently prayed he wouldn't come any closer because there was no where else for her to go.

She had to play the Good-Girl for the sake of her mother's name.

"CHAI!"he exclaimed,clearly excited.

"Face like Beyonsi.....skin,mmmueh(kissing gesture)! Like Nnwanu Udara"

The Igbo in this guy was a Separate Full Grown Entity. Amaka concluded

"Biko!let us marry"he said inching close to her again.

Amaka had had enough.She got off the couch.

"Listen..."Amaka began. She was trying very hard to contain herself.

"Mr Celestine..... Eg..Eg.....,"

"Egochoppings my luff...and I haff Internet....ask Opus,he knos me",Celestine declared crossing and uncrossing his legs.
Which she thought was just WRONG.I mean who does that...really?

"Biko,let's not west time"Celestine said rising to his feet.He was actually shorter than she realized.

"....afta we marry,I jus wan tree kids,we name dem afta currency, Naira,Dollar and Euro.....But if we haff four gehs,Biko one must answer Ego becuss her fada haff moni"

Amaka paused for a long time, it was difficult comprehending most of the things he was saying.

"Celestine...just listen......!"

"Beby say ma name again......" He started snapping his fingers....as if in some strange form of ecstasy

"Beby, say ma name biko.....I wanna spend moni" he continued dancing and snapping his fingers.

"I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!!!" Amaka said flatly.
Celestine stopped dancing and stared at her curiously

"You don minit!!"He said with a look of disbelief .He seemed to hear her for the first time.

"I do,...Celestine....I do".She seemed to be finally getting through to him.........or so she thought.

"Beby, lemme sess you for one night, you will shange ya mind!"he declared.

Amaka rolled her eyes.Was he even listening?She thought.She started walking away.To hell with this.

"Beby if afta  one night you don't shange ya mind, I giff you one million dollar"he yelled after her.

Enough with this good girl crap she thought to herself.Time Celestine met the REAL  Amaka.

She turned around.
"Now listen Celestine, I....."Then it struck her.

"What did you say.....?"she asked curiously.

"I say if  I Sess you, you  will shange ya......"

"NO.....after that........"

Celestine seemed to ponder for awhile,..then he smiled.
"....I say I will giff you one Million dollar ...if you don shange ya mind to marriage me"he said confidently.

Long Pause

Amaka's brain was working over time.
"So you're saying,....if  I sleep with you, you will give me a million dollars?"

"Oh yes!" he said, adjusting his trousers.
"hmmm"she went.

"Beby, once you test me, you cannot go back......Ogogoro and water color is d same but dere test is different"he said maintaining his Hungry Gaze on her body.

"In Sessing,only one geh haff defeat me.....and dat geh was a demon"

This was an opportunity she thought.It was a "kill-two-birds-with-one-stone"opportunity.
She knew Celestine had money.Was it possible to satisfy  mama that she was in "Courtship"with Celestine whilst sucking him dry?
She stared at Celestine skeptically.She would have to be convincing, she thought.She would have to convince Everyone(including Celestine)that she was in love with him.But simply needed time.A big fish like Celestine was too good to pass up.

The question was, how far was she willing to go?Sex wasn't the problem.She would just have to downplay her "Mistress Personae" for awhile.But what if he proposed to her? Would she accept the ring?
God forbid she should ever get married.She thought to herself.But an engagement would be one way to secure him as a "Constant Maga".
It would also make Mama happy.
But at some point she would have to dump him.And that required a lot of caution on her part.She would have to make certain the breakup wasn't her fault(on the face of it).
Right now all she could think about was the One Million Dollars.

"Okay Celestine......," she said finally.
"You can "have me" for one night,...if at the end of that night, I don't fall for you afterwards, you will...give me the money,...and we will start our courtship"she said.

Celestine was elated. He went down on his knees immediately,stretching his hands to the ceiling.

"Prez de Lord.....I haff a Beb!!!!"
Amaka looked around nervously.Hoping nobody could see them.As he began kissing (and licking)the back of her hand.




The next day, Amaka was preparing to leave the village(or so she told mama).She had told mama that she was in love with Celestine.He was so kind, loving,tender bla,bla bla.
Mama was ecstatic.She did  the"Thank-you Jesus" dance in the living room for about Ten minutes.
She told Mama  that because she was a virgin,she wanted to take things slow with Celestine.
"Of course my dear....of course"Mama said embracing her.
Mama was just excited about the prospect of having grandchildren soon.

Amaka kissed her good bye.

The cab took her to a hotel on the out skirts of town.That's where she had agreed to meet with Celestine.
As soon as she entered his hotel room he more or less "jumped on her" running his hands everywhere.He was wearing just a pair of boxers

"Celestine....wait...stop" she struggled.

"Beby  I cannot wait..." he said lustfully.


To be fair, she thought.The experience wasn't so bad.Her only problem was he wouldn't stop talking.Especially "during".

"Chai!....Mbanu....Tura-Tura..Mmmmmueh.!!!!."

They were at it ALL NIGHT.
There were times she wondered if he were on steroids.He just couldn't seem to get enough of her.
"......Nku-cream....Nnwanu......CHAI. Swit Beby!!!"

The next morning,She got off the bed, and tip-toed into the rest room.After closing the door behind her, she more or less slumped to the floor.Her whole body ached.It felt like she'd been "handled" by a small squadron of soldiers.Was he on drugs? She wondered.She had to compose herself.

In the bedroom.Celestine woke up and knelt by the side of the bed.

"Oh God, you haff giff me wife to chop ma moni....dis month,I muss pay tite in Euro..becuss .dollar is not Innuff........"



Amaka splashed some water on her face.Never had she met a man with this much stamina.God forbid!
She slowly opened the door and stepped into the bedroom just as Celestine concluded his prayers.

"......and biko,increase ma containers dis year,Amen"he said.
 Then he got up and smiled at her.

Amaka went to him and told him how much she loved him,but wanted to take things slow so that they could get to know each other better.

At the mention of the word "love", Celestine burst into tears.It was a little scary seeing him cry she thought to herself.

"Beby....(sob)....you minnit?....Infat,..for dat I ...will buy you gold.....(sob)..Dubai gold,Kano gold...or italy gold....(sob) biko..choose one" he said clearly emotional.

He brought out his cheque book and wrote her the Cheque for a Million Dollars (or rather it's equivalent in Naira)
"Biko....(sob) ...ma moni is nottin.....witout luff"he said.

He promised that he would wait  for her.When ever she was ready, they would marry.
He told her he was off to  Europe the next day, that he would be back in two weeks. He seemed so happy.
Amaka almost felt sorry for him........ALMOST.


She left the hotel that afternoon,staring at the Cheque in wonderment.She smiled at herself .Then turns to look at us.

"WHAT?......Una wan hear my mouth?(She giggles)....I laugh in Swahili.... I dont have strenght for amebo now abeg. i'm spent....wait till next week Jor


LIFE IS A CHOICE MY FRIEND
SO CHOOSE WISELY
ENOUGH SAID