LET'S GO TO CHURCH.....

Henry didn't like Pentecostal Churches for three reasons;
1. they were too noisy,
2.the Pastors moved around too much whilst preaching(which he found a little disconcerting)
and
3. they had one too many offerings

The truth was, he didn't like ANY church.

His knowledge of the Bible was limited to;
"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth..... "
and
 "...for God so loved the world......"

And lets not forget;

 ".....and on the Seventh day, He rested....."Which was Henry's Champion excuse for staying home on Sundays.

"...If God did it,...why can't I?" he'd always say.



So When he started dating Chinwe,he knew he was going to deal with the "Church" issue one day.His new girlfriend was a Deeply-Spiritual-Scripture-Spitting-Gospel-Singing Woman that could declare a Fast for something as trivial as a headache.

He found it infuriating how she could be that way.
So why was he dating her?
Well.....she was beautiful with curves that seemed.....sinful.
She had other qualities too;
She was warm,witty,and she was an extremely good cook.The first time he tasted her Egusi soup, it felt like his taste buds had been touched by an angel.So delicious was the meal in fact that Henry didn't know when he looked her lovingly over the dinning table and said;
" Babe,...I will do anything for you...name it"
If history is anything to go by,whenever a man makes such a declaration to a woman, what usually follows is often......UNPLEASANT.
Henry regretted it immediately.
Chinwe  simply smiled at him and said;
"Well,....since you put it like that...."She began.
In that moment, He wished he had just shut up and enjoyed his meal.Now she was staring at him  the way a Lizard would stare at a Wounded Cricket limping by.
"I was hoping you would accompany me to a Church program

Henry hated the sound of those two words  in the same sentence "...Church Programme...." to him bore the same resonance with "......Acute-Malaria....",    or " ...Advanced-Syphilis"
For months, she'd been trying to get him to go to Her Church. So far, he had been successful  avoiding Church on Sundays.Now, he had foolishly boxed himself into a corner.
He loved Chinwe too much to break a promise to her.
So.....he reluctantly.....very reluctantly swallowed some more Fish and said;
" Yes,...my love...anything for you."
With that she literally jumped on him, kissing the side of his face in delight.He could feel her breasts pressing up against his arm.
This could work in my favor. He thought to himself.Maybe his sudden declaration might grant him a small slice of Heaven. There was only one way to find out.
He put his arms around her soft body, feeling the heat inside him rise.He kissed her lips.
She JOLTED away from him instantly as if she'd been touched by an Unholy object.
"What are you doing?"she exclaimed jumping to her feet.
"What part of 'no sex before marriage' don't you understand?" she said waving a finger at him.
This was torture.Henry thought.
Why would God be so cruel as to give him  a woman he couldn't "touch"? Where was the Justice in that?
"I'm sorry " he managed to say awkwardly.
For the past three months he had been enduring a grave Affliction known as " Conji"(a condition a person suffers brought on by Sexual Starvation)
Her "look but don't touch" Policy was inhumane to say the least.

".....marriage bed undefiled..." she quoted. As  she continued eyeing him.
He apologized again.
At least he had her pictures on his Phone.When all else failed, THAT  and some Vaseline was all he needed to get him through the day.
And that was the end of the matter.


So there they were on that Sunday morning walking into her Church.
Apparently, some big Evangelist was visiting and it seemed like such a big deal.

There were lots of people in the Church.

Henry hated crowds. "Why didn't they all just stay home and rest sef" he said outloud.
"Shhhh,keep your voice down" Chinwe said with a note of irritation in her voice.

So the service began,there was a lot of singing and clapping of hands. Chinwe was so in the zone with this place he thought as he stared at her. Her hands in the air  with her eyes closed. She seemed in some weird state of Euphoria.
Why did  she have to be like this? He wondered.

Then the Evangelist started preaching.
There were a lot of ".....say Amen"   and ".....to turn to your neighbor and say..." moments.

Then a weird thing happened.

The Evangelist came down from the pulpit walking through the crowd(still preaching) and pointed a finger in their direction.

"You!!" he  declared.
Henry and Chinwe, like everyone else,turned around to look uncertain of who the man of God was referring.

"You in the Blue shirt" The Evangelist said, pointing at Him.
Henry half-expected him to go into a "....thus sayeth the Lord...." speech. Instead, the Evangelist said;
"You and the Lady, see me after service"
Henry wasn't certain if he had heard or imagined a hint of urgency in the Man's Voice.
He and Chinwe exchanged curious looks. Wondering what it was all about.

This feels like a setup. Henry thought as they sat outside the Pastor's Office waiting to see the Evangelist.
As a rule He didn't believe in coincidences.
What were the odds of  a visiting Evangelist singling them out in the crowd. He hoped this wasn't a ploy to get him to marry Chinwe or something.
It's not like he hadn't considered spending the rest of his life with Chinwe, It was just well......he wanted it to be HIS idea (if and when the time was right) and not the "Spiritual" suggestion of an Evangelist he'd only just met that day.And why were they being kept waitinghe wondered. After all the guy had said they should see him after Church so why the wait? He had endured three gruelling hours of "service", his ears were ringing from the loud clapping and shouting. He just wanted to go home and watch TV.
This wasn't his idea of relaxing on a sunday .

While they waited, several other Pastors would peek at them and sneak back into the pastor's office.
Where they planning something? Henry wondered.
Why all the Clandestine movement?
"Will you relax?" Chinwe said giving him a slight nudge.
"Stop chewing your nails...you look like you're awaiting your HIV test results" she whispered.
Henry hadn't realized he had been doing that.
It was a habit
He just didn't feel comfortable.These men of God had a nack for "seeing' things about a person.
As much as he didn't go to church, Henry actually believed in the Power these  men carried.
What if the man of God had seen his Porn addiction?
What if the guy had looked into the spiriual realm to see him..."pleasing" himelf with his ever faithful Vaseline?

"He will see you now" came the Voice a a straight-faced man from the door.

The both got up and walked into the office.

It was a small office and several flyers and Bibles lay on the table.

The Evangelist sat  with his hand on his chin. He seemed thoughtful.

After a long time, he told them why he had called them.
He said he had been told by the spirit to pray for them(well...Chinwe In particular).

Henry had trust isues with closing his eyes in the presece of a total stranger.(evangelist or not)
But there was a strange look in the Evangelists eyes like he knew a secret about them.
Henry hoped the secret didn't have anything to do with him alone with Chinwe's Picture .....and a certain jar of Vaseline.

As  for Chinwe, she was over the moon with the request.For all intents and purposes, she looked like she had just been Raptured.

They knelt down the Evangelist rose to his feet. He wasn't much in the Height department.Henry thought.
Its funny how he seemed taller during the service that morning.

Two other Pastors entered the office and stood behind them.Henry felt a tinge of panic when he looked over his shoulder and saw them.
They both seemed.....anxious.

"Ordinarily, I wouldn't have asked you to be here." the Evangelist said staring at Henry. There was a hint of worry in his tone.
Henry wondered why.
"...but, it seems you have shared in this somehow"
"shared in what?" Henry asked curiously.He hated riddles.

With out answering him, The Evangelist closed his eyes and began;
In Jesus Name" the Man began.

"Amen"they all chorused.

Then he began praying.
At first, the prayer started simple enough, giving thanks to God and all....This went on for about five minutes which Henry thought was just too long.Why did their prayers have to be so long? His knees were beginning to hurt.
Somewhere between Amens, Henry realized the Prayer had changed .

"...You strong hold......You evil spirit I command you OUT!!!!!"
Amen the entire office chorused.
Henry snuck a peek at Chinwe.Her eyes were still closed and her hands were open as if  to the heavens.
Henry noticed that the two Pastors had moved behind her.
The Evangelist had his hand on her head.

why was his hand on her head and  what was this talk about evil spirits?

".....I command you to leave this woman...and you're hold on this man in JESUS NAME.
the Evangelist was saying.

Then something weird happened.

Chinwe Opened her eyes.

Odd.
He thought.That's something Chinwe would never do.She never opened her eyes during a prayer...never. It was like one of her top five  Cardinal rules.Right up there with
 "No sex before marriage"
and
" ....always declare a fast when you have a headache."

Henry was shocked when he saw her eyes opened....more shocked by what happened next.

".......I plea the blood of ....."the Evangelist  was shouting.

Chinwe casually...very casually removed the Man's hand from her head.Then she stood up.

"...you unclean spirit...I command you....."

There was a strange look in  her eyes he'd never seen before. .Even her face seemed wrong all of a sudden. ....Almost like it wasn't her face.It was just weird.

She suddenly seemed taller, and her hair seemed longer and fuller.

"......RELEASE YOUR HOLD ON THIS CHILD OF GOD!!!!!!"the Evangelist seemed undaunted. Although the other two Pastors were clearly uncertain about what to do next.

Chinwe was looking around as if she were seeing the office and it's occupants for the first time.

Then she turned to look at Henry.
He could see hatred in her eyes, The kind of hatred he'd never seen before. In that moment, he knew the eyes he was staring at weren't Chinwe's .
They belonged to something else.

In that instant, the flourescent bulb over-head EXPLODED,casting the room into darkness.

"......you Prince of Darkness"The Evangelist was saying.

Then came the screams.

...Henry felt something COLD wrap itself around his throat.

In an instant, he felt himself being lifted off the floor... then thrown across the room.

He heard more screams .....this time coming from the Evangelist.


That's when he woke up.

His heart was still pounding as he sat up on the bed. He put his hand on his throat.

He could still feel the "coldness".

CHRIST! It felt so real. He thought.

Henry's Phone started ringing.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw the Caller I D.

Chinwe.

"It was just a dream" he whispered to himself.

He answered the call.

HENRY# Hey what's up?

CHINWE# .........Which one is what's up?......aren't you ready?

HENRY# ........em.....ready for what?

CHINWE# Hian!!! there's a visiting Evangelist coming to my church today....you promised you would go ...didn't you?"

HENRY#.......(Silence)

CHINWE# .....hello....are you still there?.....hello?



If this were you,........would you go?


LIFE IS A CHOICE MY FRIEND
SO CHOOSE WISELY
ENOUGH SAID