HOW TO MESS UP YOUR BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING!!!!!

"Do you ADA......." the Reverend was saying as the Bride and Groom stared lovingly into each other's eyes.I had to admit, they looked good together.
George(the groom) looked quite dashing in his black suit.Ada's mermaid wedding dress was sexy as hell.Both of them seemed to be glowing with "the radiance of love"...if you want to call it that.
The church was packed full.The were so many  celebrities and 'high-rollers' scattered about the church.And I think the guy seated next to me was a celebrity or something.People kept  on coming up to him and going;
"I'm your biggest fan....I love your show....bla bla bla" It was a little annoying especially since the ceremony itself had begun.

And on top of that, Mr Celebrity  kept on staring down my bust-line as if 'my boobs' were an exciting new fashion trend he'd just discovered.
I threw a casual glance in his direction.Dude was sooo not my type.Besides I think he had bad breath.....either that or he farted each time  he opened his mouth.


Anyway, watching my best friend getting married was a strange sensation.In a weird way, I was happy for her(despite what "issues" we had)
I almost shed a tear as I watched them together.
Ada and I had been best friends for years.In that time, I'd stood up for her more times than I can count.There was this one time, some guy on face book was stalking her. Ada was so scared.She didn't tell me at first.
Why?
She was more scared of what I would do than how creepy the guy was.
Eventually, things got out of hand and the guy showed up at Ada's house threatening to bathe her in acid if she didn't date him.
I more or less blew a fuse after that.I was  mad at Ada for not telling me. You see,the truth is, my Elder brother is currently the most feared Militant in Nigeria.
Being his baby sister comes with its own perks.People generally think twice before they mess with me...or my friends
I have some of the most dangerous people on "speed dial" just begging to do favors for me.
Lets just say after a few calls,we never heard from the creep again.
I would do anything for Ada, that's the truth.
So as I watched her and George exchanging vows, I felt sad.Sad because Ada and I would never be friends again.If today meant anything, it meant that I'd lost my best friend forever.

As I Surveyed the crowded Church, My brother's Eyes caught mine.We smiled at each other.On his left cheek was his signature scar.It'd earned him the nick-name "Scar-face".The scar was the product of a knife fight from years ago.The person that did that to him, didn't live to see the scar.
I saw that he came with his "entourage". There were at least Fifty of them seated around him.No doubt they were all armed.....just in case.
Of course that's not counting the other Hundred or so stationed outside the church.No doubt they were all armed......just in case.

I smiled back at my elder brother.Of course I knew what he did for a living..of course I knew where the money came from.But our parents were long gone from this world...all we had was each other.
To the rest of the world he was "Scar face,...Prince of Darkness."
to me he was just,"Soki".And we loved each other dearly.
And he was there because of me.

"...in sickness and in health...." The Reverend was saying.
It was almost time.I thought to myself.
I spied the Groom's men...not a bad bunch.I noticed Ada even used her younger brother Ike.
Personally, I think Ike's too short for a Groom's man.But that's just me.
 My eyes caught the Maid of honor...Kaine!!!

"Mtcheeeeew!!!" I went out loud. Several people turned in my direction.I kept my eyes focused on the altar,....if any of them had asked me nonsense eh?
"Is everything okay?" Mr Celebrity said.His breath almost smelled like the fumes from a broken Suck-Away Pipe.

I ignored him with such coldness that after staring at me(and my Bust-line) for a few seconds,he simply looked away.

I kept on GLARING at the so-called Maid of Honor,...Kaine.
In a perfect world, I would've been Ada's maid of honor not this Maggot of a girl.
God! I hated her so much, but I was glad she was there.....so glad.

"....If there be anyone here who knows any reason why these two shouldn't  be joined together in holy matrimony, you are to declare it, or forever hold your peace." The Reverend announced.

It's funny how every time these words are spoken at a wedding all the guests start staring at each other ...QUESTIONABLY.
And why does society always assume it's a "he" that would ".....make himself known?.." It always made me laugh when I heard it.

As the questionable looks continued, I watched ADA ...casually glance across the sea of guests....Her eyes suddenly caught mine.For a few seconds, I could've sworn she was about to scream.The look of shock soon became one of ....PANIC.
I simply smiled at her....then I STOOD UP, and my brother and his men stood up with me.


It felt like a silent shock wave swept across the Church's interior.
Everywhere, people were speaking in HUSHED TONES as I made my approach towards the altar.
I think Mr Celebrity tried to say something.But it was drowned in the symphony of hushed whispers that suddenly filled the air

"All eyes on me..." like  my favorite rap song goes.It actually felt awesome being the center of attention at ADA'S wedding.

"I have something to say". I loved the sound of my voice inside the stillness of the church.

STARK-TERROR was the best expression that described Ada's Face. George and the rest of the "train"(including that Maggot of a girl) had a similar look.
Even the Reverend looked confused.

Ada's mum looked like were about to faint,her dad looked like he was going to have a heart attack.
As I strolled towards the altar, I threw a  casual glance at Soki...my knight.He gave me his famous bad ass smile, urging me to go on.
I literally had the entire Port Harcourt staring at me.

"Priye...what are you doing?" Ada said in panic.
I'd always loved the sound of my name when it came from Ada's soft lips.But at that moment, the sound sickened me

"I and Ada are lovers, we have been lovers for ten years" I said.

It almost felt like they all held their breaths at the same time.
I half expected Ada's Dad to drop dead then and there.
If I'd fired a revolver in the air, I doubt if their reactions would have been any different.

"What's the meaning of this nonsense, Priye?" George said as he approached me.

"You come here to ruin our wedding.....ARE YOU MAD???" even in his enraged state he was still quite fetching.I could really see why ADA fell for him.But that didn't give Ada the right to hurt me.No matter how handsome he was, we were supposed to be together.I LOVED HER

"Ask your darling wife to-be if I am mad,...ask her if she hadn't sworn for us to be together forever!!!" I was shouting now.
"Even as of yesterday morning, you George was simply a close business associate that maybe had a silly crush on her" My voice climbed even higher.

But I didn't care.Ada stood as if frozen by Medusa's gaze.
Her eyes were slowly filling up with tears.I knew I was hurting her, I knew I was breaking her heart.But I didn't want to let her go.I couldn't,not without people knowing the truth.

"I never even knew what a lesbian was until Ada taught me,"I said to George.
The Reverend quickly drew an invisible cross over himself as more hushed voices reverberated across the church.

"Because of YOU,...!!!" I stabbed a finger towards ADA. I suddenly felt like crying.

"....because you,I lost so many opportunities to get married....you told me to stay with you....(sob) and I did".

My whole body was slowly losing its composure.And my voice was suddenly croaky  as I went on;

"You made me swear..to you never to let a man touch me....(sob) we took an Oath... a blood Oath...do you remember that??"

The tears in Ada's eyes were streaming down in waves.

"Please... You must be joking, Ada say something!" George Began
"Priye you are a liar. Don't bring this demonic nonsense here...THIS IS OUR WEDDING DAY....WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE THROW HER OUT??!!!" he screamed into the crowd.

No one even stirred in the direction of "STANDING UP" .Soki and his boys were still on their feet like Roman Sentries.

"All I want...." I continued but it was difficult with the tears in my eyes.

".....all I want is....Ada to stop lying and tell everyone the truth...tell them how you LURED ME INTO LESBIANISM, HOW YOU CHASED ALL MY SUITORS AWAY OVER THE YEARS..(sob)..."

My shoes suddenly felt like they weighed a ton.The pain In my heart almost made it impossible to stand.

I faced the guests again

"Most of you have heard about me....how I am a lesbian...(sob) how I 'SPOILED'' Ada...I make no apologies for ..my lifestyle.But Ada was the one who 'spoiled' me....Ada promised we would leave Nigeria together and go...somewhere Our relationship would be accepted!!"

"SHUT UP YOU WITCH!"spat Ada's Mother as she rose from her seat.Her husband was trying desperately to hold her back,but she shrugged him off.She pointed a bony finger at me and shouted;
"..... I BIND YOU IN THE NAME OF.....!!"

"...IT IS YOUR DAUGHTER THAT IS THE DEMON HERE!!!" the violence in my tone cut her off.I glared at her with all the rage  I had.
"I gave her everything. My friendship, my love, my body, my money. She has always been the centre of my universe, I have no other friend, male or female. We have been together for ten years. TEN FREAKING YEARS, and now this"

Long silence.

"She didn't even have the decency to face me" I went on.
"All I got...was a lousy message on BBM last night, Saying; 'Its over between us,I'm getting married tomorrow.Please don't show up, its for the best'
......IS THAT WHAT I DESERVE????"

All eyes slowly turned towards.....Ada.
She had her face in her hands as she broke into a series of uncontrollable sobs.
"This can't be happening...it can't be happening".she kept on saying.
"O yes it is happening baby" I replied

"So what do you want..Priye?"George asked.He sounded like a man that was out of options..
"I love Ada",he said.
"And despite whatever lifestyle she used to lead before,.....I still want to marry her"
"You must be joking" his mother said standing up, but his father pulled her back to her seat.

Numerous whispers followed his declaration.

As I stood there, it dawned on me that he truly loved her. In fact, George was more than what she deserved.

"I'm so sorry... Priye....please ..(sob)forgive me!!!" Ada pleaded as George came to her side to put his arms around her.They truly looked good together.I thought.

But the decision had already been made, Ada wasn't getting away with the pain she'd caused...no way!

I couldn't bear the sight of the two of them anymore.

I took one more look at Soki, and with the coldest tone I had, said;

"This wedding will not hold".

There was an immediate explosion of protests from the crowd as some people even got up from their seats shouting their heads off in anger.

I stared at my brother and put my hands to my ears.This was the part I wasn't looking forward to.

One of Soki's Boys  casually brought out an automatic rifle from the long coat he was wearing, and let off some rounds into the air.

Even with my hands over my ears, it was still a deafening series of explosions.
Most people,including the Reverend and the all the Groom's men,  fell to the ground covering their heads.

"NO BODY MOVES!!!" came the booming  Voice of A large chested young man standing next to SOKI.

By now,the entire church was on the floor.Bits and pieces of   Church ceiling fell to the ground.


I removed my hands from my ears and spoke;

"This wedding will not hold...Ada,must learn what it feels like to be deprived of something she loves." I said staring at the bride "huddled up " with the Groom in a corner of the altar.
Now they just looked pathetic.

".....If you insist on proceeding with this wedding today or whenever...there will be bloodshed!!!" As I spoke, I noticed how no one dared look me in the eye.Now I Knew how Soki felt on a normal day.It was awesome.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND??.....ANSWER HER!!"the young man by Soki barked.

A series of fearful "Yes sirs" echoed across the church.

Long Silence.

I turned to look at Ada one last time.God, I hated her in that moment.

With a silent signal from my brother,we left the Church.

Of course the wedding didn't hold and George(the lover)  broke up with Ada........serves her right.

That was three years ago.I'm currently off the lesbian train.Actually have a boyfriend now.It hasn't been easy breaking old habits but I'm trying.
Haven't heard or seen Ada since then.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Life is a Choice my friend
so choose wisely
Enough Said.