Here's the scenerio, I'm out with a friend on a Saturday afternoon. Its
an old friend from school. We met up at this bar in Port Harcourt to catch up over a few drinks.
an old friend from school. We met up at this bar in Port Harcourt to catch up over a few drinks.
So there we were, just chilling .It was a bit of a slow day with very few people around.
Few minutes into the hangout,a young couple walk in.
Now I’m sure like me, few men barely noticed the guy.He was just an average looking guy with the beginnings of the all too familiar “beer gut” most alcoholics have come to love and cherish.But the chick(to the dismay of the other females in the bar) was quite another story.
Now anybody who knows me, knows I’m a bit of a “starer”(ok maybe more than a bit) call it a character flaw or birth defect.Or Let me put it this way, if staring were a device, mine didn’ t come with an off switch.Enough said.
But trust me,this girl was worth staring at.
She was tall, darkskinned with sinfully sculptured curves,she had long beautiful legs that moved fluidly and suggestively like an erotic poem… (let me stop there.i tend to get carried away with these descriptions.please bare with me)
Anyway after her and her companion sat down at a table most of the guys (including me) RELUCTANTLY averted their gazes.
As the afternoon wore on, we stole occassional glances at the girl .she either didn’t notice or was too seasoned to care.She seemed more interested in whatever Mr Beer gut was telling her.
A short time past.
Then something unexpected happened.
Mr Beergut, in true Hollywood style, got up from his seat ,got down on one knee
By her side .And then he popped out a ring.
By her side .And then he popped out a ring.
It was a frozen moment!
There was a sharp intake of breath from behind me.
“Jesus, dat guy dey propose?”a voice whispered.
There was a hushed silence in the bar as everything seemed to come to a grinding halt.
All eyes were on the couple as the young man still held the ring in his hand awaiting a response from …….(ok let’s call her Hawt chick).
Another short time past.
Hawt Chick didn’t look like she was about to burst into tears of joy.She didnt look like she was about to embrace Beer gut screaming ,”yes, yes I will marry you!!”
No.
She stared at him like he were an unusually large bloodsucking insect hovering within her air space.She looked more like she was about to grab the table knife and stab him with it…….twice.
Wot sorro embarazzmen iz dizz?”Hawt chick spat as she menacingly rose from her seat. And yes, those were her exact words ….or sounds.
At that point, I and my friend exchanged curious glances.I think we telepathically asked ourselves in unison “Is that how she talks????
” You wanna propose me here?”(her exact words)
She slapped his hand so hard the ring flew across the bar and clattered against something on the far side of the room
She slapped his hand so hard the ring flew across the bar and clattered against something on the far side of the room
“Iz diz place romanric”?
Mr Beergut looked like three adjectives all at once;shocked, traumatised and dumbfounded.
Hawtchick grabbed her purse with so much rage, her hand knocked over one of the wine glasses on the table. We all heard it shatter against the marble floor.
“Fugg you !”Hawtchick spat again as she shoved Mr Beer gut roughly to the side.
“Fugg you!”
She stormed out of the bar leaving behind a pathetic and somewhat confused looking beer gut of a man.
Long story short.we later learned that they’d been dating for a few years and her anger was;
1) her friends weren’t around to witness the proposal.
And
2) the bar wasn’t ideal or “romanric”enough for her.
We heard later that Mr Beergut took this strange accented woman some where else a few days later, invited all her close friends and proposed again.Probably after he had fished the ring out of whatever hole she’d knocked it into.
And would you believe it? She accepted, and get this,…… she CRIED and said “Yes!”
And would you believe it? She accepted, and get this,…… she CRIED and said “Yes!”
Here’s my question.Whats more important for a woman, the fact that he proposes or WHERE he proposes?
Life is a choiceChoose wisely.Enough said.
Comments are welcome......
Spammers on the other hand, would be shot, run over with my car, thrown off a cliff,
hung by their toe nails, and made to watch me do the MAKARINA....... in slow motion.
I'm just saying
where n how he proposes is as important as the fact that he is proposing. dont blame us for being women. lol
ReplyDeletelol. u women are works of art.
DeleteHahahah can't help laffing out loud, u r one hell of a crazy guy opus y in d world will she talk like that?
ReplyDeleteHad this imaginary scenario of the whole show in my head and it really cracked me up sooo much.
Mschewwww! When did proposal become so much of a big deal? We are Africans,Girls pls dnt loose ur sanity cos what u see online or in movies..Am a lady,dated my husband for 9whole yrs,we had planned our home even b4 we picked a date,got married last october..The heart matters more than d rock girls!
ReplyDelete'Tayo
9yrs? Pikin wen dem born when una start go don dey Jss1. You are even lucky he agreed to marry you. If not you won't be spweing this trash. Thank God it turned out well, it's not ur doing. Why would ur man even think of proposing or going through the stress and mental burden of trying to plan out the perfect proposal after finally marrying an overused pussy. There's no fun in it anymore c'mon. The only sensible thing u said was "the heart matters more than the rock" next time keep ur story cus it's not inspiring at all. Thank you
Delete9yrs? Pikin wen dem born when una start go don dey Jss1. You are even lucky he agreed to marry you. If not you won't be spweing this trash. Thank God it turned out well, it's not ur doing. Why would ur man even think of proposing or going through the stress and mental burden of trying to plan out the perfect proposal after finally marrying an overused pussy. There's no fun in it anymore c'mon. The only sensible thing u said was "the heart matters more than the rock" next time keep ur story cus it's not inspiring at all. Thank you
Delete9yrs? Pikin wen dem born when una start go don dey Jss1. You are even lucky he agreed to marry you. If not you won't be spweing this trash. Thank God it turned out well, it's not ur doing. Why would ur man even think of proposing or going through the stress and mental burden of trying to plan out the perfect proposal after finally marrying an overused pussy. There's no fun in it anymore c'mon. The only sensible thing u said was "the heart matters more than the rock" next time keep ur story cus it's not inspiring at all. Thank you
Delete@ dream girl you have too much bitterness in ur system pls drink some honey. 9 years is no joke maybe he wanted to settle down n be comfortable than to marry her and make her suffer. You sound like someone that will choke up a guy with marrriage ish 2 months after dating
Delete@ dream girl you have too much bitterness in ur system pls drink some honey. 9 years is no joke maybe he wanted to settle down n be comfortable than to marry her and make her suffer. You sound like someone that will choke up a guy with marrriage ish 2 months after dating
DeleteBut C'mon a bar!!!! I'm not sure i would like that either. He no try at all
ReplyDeleteOpus i love love love how you write! Wow.
ReplyDeleteYour choice of words,the humor.....ohhh
it just gives me an orgasm each time i read(3rd i'm reading)
and urrrm the ''where'' a man proposes matters a
lot as the''how''.
Good job bruv
Loool! Opus I am a fan, this your story cracked me up bad
ReplyDeletelol hilarious... some ppl get bad mouth sha
ReplyDeleteWould have proposed at viewing center where Chelsea are playing Arsenal!
ReplyDeleteNow, you are officially my main man for being a Chelsea fan....well done
DeleteThe accent is dangerously funny, mgbeke feeling funky and forming tush! Well done jare!
DeleteWhere he proposes matters jor. We all want something Sexy. But the babe...
ReplyDeleteHow he proposes
ReplyDeleteWhere he proposes
His outfit when he is proposing
His sentence combination
His diction
The people present
Every little details count
Coz it is once in a life time