HIT ME BABY

I remember a conversation I had with  a girl on a blind date a few years back.
I hate blind dates by the way.
As a rule, a blind date is kinda like ordering an unfamiliar dish  from the menu.All you have to go on, is the waiter’s recommendation and a name.You have no idea what the food is going to taste like or even look like until it arrives
(even then, you still dont know how long you’re going to spend on the toilet seat regretting your decision.) Anyway a friend hooked us up.

Here’s the scenario.
We started off okay at first.
We were dinning  at a really nice resturant in New GRA. We went through the customary “where do live, where are you from…..blah, blah” questions.
As the night wore on, we had less and less and less to talk about.

Don’t look at me, wasn’t my fault. Her one-worded responses were  annoying.She seemed to have  an arsenal of “Yes(es)” and No(s) with occasional  “maybes” that made me want to poison her.
At some point there was a very long uncomfortable silence,  as we waited for our order to arrive. The air of  boredom on the table  was like a third person in the flacid conversation.
“So what happened with your X ?”  I Asked finally.
I hate that question by the way.
But as far as conversation starters went that night, I was blank.

The waiter finally brought our order.
“He cheated on me, ” she said after another  long silence.
“……When I found out and confronted him….,” she continued,as she  sipped from her glass,
"......he beat me up so bad i was in the hospital for two weeks"

Her words were so casual, she might as well have been describing a recipe for Egusi-soup.

I felt terrible for opening up a clearly painful wound.

“I’m sorry” I said.

“…….it must’ve been really bad.”

“Bad ke?” She had a hint of a smile on her face.

“It’s a normal thing in relationships na”

“What, being hospitalised from a beating?” I asked curiously

“A beating is normal na.” . She shrugged.

“….Every man beats his woman”

“No, that’s not true”, I said, taken aback.

She stared at me in silence for a bit. "Wait wait!" She said waving her hands around like some mis-guided traffic warden. She adjusted herself in her seat. It was the first time she'd been animate since the date began.                                                                   

“Are you telling me that you wouldn’t  beat your wife when you get married ?” She asked, leaning forward.

she had a surprised look on her face as if I’d just told her that the last world cup was held in my village….and I featured as a goalkeeper.

“No, I wouldnt !”I said, equally surprised.

She looked around like we had an unseen audience keenly watching our date, then casually leaned forward again.(She liked doing that by the way)

“That is why you’re still single….” she whispered.

“…..No woman can respect a man who doesn’t beat her.”

Her tone was steady and with all the conviction a Jesus-is-coming-soon sermon.

I must’ve had my mouth open for about a minute.I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Listen,” she began again with that same steel steady tone.

“A Man must command respect, otherwise his woman won’t respect him.”

“Let me get this straight,” I said adjusting myself in my seat (it was my turn to be animate)

“Love and care isn’t enough, you want a boyfriend/husband that beats you,?”

“Hian!”  She shrugged.

“Didn’t my parents beat me?”she said, earnestly.

“…..So Why should my husband be any  different?”

She seemed very certain of her stance on the issue.

“Love is not enough….” she went on.

“….. women want MEN…..not boys that can’t handle them……”

At that point She looked around.I think she suddenly realised that she was raising her voice.

“Look!” She continued in a lower tone.

“….I dont doubt that some women have been killed and hospitalised in the course of these beatings. I don’t condone that…..” She said, shaking her head vigorously

“……but like the bible says there should be moderation in all things. even God disciplines the ones he loves!”

“Wow”,I said sipping from my glass, by this time the coke tasted like bile in my mouth.I made a mental note to myself: DEAR OPUS. DO NOT EVER GO ON ANOTHER BLIND DATE IN YOUR LIFE EVER AGAIN!!!

“I can’t be with a man who doesn’t  beat me Oh!”she was saying.

“How will I respect him????”

Believe it or not  a lot of women believe that the true measure of a man is in the strength of the slap he can administer to  his woman.

I never called her again .Heard a few weeks back that she’s been hospitalised (AGAIN) after a traumatic beating from her NEW boyfriend .

Hope she pulls through.

The truth is there are a lot of  people out there that feel this is normal.Infact, they can’t function in a relationship without it.

“Naim dey make De love sweet na.” A young lady  was telling me.

“If man no beat me, den him no love me.”

You’d be amazed how many people believe that some form of abuse is essential. Infact its a turn-on for alot of women

And there are actually men who believe that a decent beating every now and then is normal for a relationship.

“A woman is like a good smart phone,” A male colleague of mine was telling me once. "........once in a while it needs a HARD RESTART!"

Personally, I think domestic abuse in any form is wrong.ABUSE IS ABUSE!!!

If that makes me seem less of a MAN,

then so be it.For those who agree with me,

THUMBS UP!!

life is a choice my friend.

So choose wisely

Enough said.

                                                  Comments are welcome......
Spammers on the other hand, would be shot, run over with my car, thrown off a cliff,
hung by their toe nails, and made to watch me do the MAKARINA....... in slow motion.
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