BEWARE OF HITLER!!!

Years ago,I went to a Client's house to go over some legal documents.
It was my first time there and I had trouble finding the place (I mean how can there be more than one Number 45. on the same street?)
Anyway,the Client was an elderly woman.

I found the house eventually (after getting like ten different descriptions to the place)



So there I was,standing in front of a Large grey gate.

I'd been standing there and knocking for almost 20minutes....no answer.

The rays of the scorching Sun were literally cooking me inside my new suit.
I could feel the beginnings of a migraine .

All around me was a street bustling with loud radios,street hawkers,and generally noisey people.
The large grey gate(which I thought was quite tall.....like prison-yard tall) just stood there with no response from the inside.

It was getting a little frustrating.
I'd noticed earlier that the side gate was slightly ajar.I managed a small peek inside the compound.

It was quite a large yard,grass well trimmed and in the middle of the yard was an old blue Four-Runner Jeep,lots of dead leaves on the ground, and the security-house looked deserted.

"House oh!"
I called out.But all I got was the stillness of the yard.

I pushed the side gate open and stepped inside.

As a rule I generally like an invitation before entering a person's compound.But this was different, the sun seemed to have a personal grudge against me and the pain in my head was intensifying.
 I had to get this over with ASAP.

As I stepped into the yard,more silence greeted me.The bungalow seemed too small for the large Compound.
I began to make my approach as more leaves rustled against the grass.

I was halfway across the compound when I heard a loud thump coming from the side of the house.
It sounded like someone had dropped a full bag of rice on the ground.
"House oh!"
 I called out again.In hindsight, I probably SHOULDNT have called out,because that's what drew IT'S attention.

From the corner of the house came a very dark... no,...Black large shape.
A DOG!!
Not just any kind of dog,not one of those malnourished,brownish  -looking mongrels that are famous for wagging their tails at armed robbers.This was a well-fed BEAST of a dog,with fur as black as night.Even as it stared at me from that distance,I knew this was a BIG DOG.

To my dismay in life I'm 5:11(was aspiring to be   6'2 but it never worked out).I am fairly certain that if I knelt down,the dog would be a head taller than me.THATS how big the Dog was.

The Dog and I stared at each other for a bit.

Haven't these people ever heard of a "Beware of dog" sign?I thought to myself.
I don't get along with dogs(don't ask why)maybe it's genetics.There's this superstition that if you are a "404/Dog-eater" most dogs would want to bite you.
As far as I know,
I,OPUS TJK (high or sober) HAVE NEVER EATEN DOG MEAT!!!Enough said.
........though, there was that one time Uyo when......!

But I digress....Now where was I.....?


Oh!
So there I was playing a "Stare-Game" with my new found acquaintance
I tried convincing myself the Dog was chained. It HAD to be.I thought.

As if it read my mind,the LARGE CANINE took a few predatory steps in my direction.

SHIT!.....,No chain!!!!

Now, I  had 3 options;

A)run back towards the gate and hopefully make it out of the Yard.

B)make for the car,(which was closer)and seek asylum on the roof.

Or

C)stand my ground against this four-legged bully.And give the Dog my best "Nuttin-dey-happen" stare.

I had barely formed those options in my head when the Beast CHARGED!!

In an instant,the Dog Exploded from the corner of the house like a ballistic missile.

Everything else was a blur after that.

Scratch options A&C,I thought to myself.
This domestic Cheetah would catch me before I made it to the gate.
And I was fairly certain standing there and forming "hard man" with my best "Nuttin-dey-happen" stare,would only piss it off!
I also had a feeling this Dog wasn't just being territorial.
It looked hungry.

I ran towards the Jeep at a speed I didn't think I was capable of in my new suit.From the corner of my eye I could see a black shape less than 6ft away from me.I could hear it's breath......CHRIST! The Bastard was fast.

How I spirited to the top of the Four-Runner so fast,I  have no idea.I more or less found myself there as if by way of teleportation.

In a distant part of my mind I heard a rip and tear in my pants.
I couldn't care less.
Like a split-second after I'd gotten on top of the car,something large and heavy hit the side of the vechicle, and shook it like an earthquake tremor.
"Abi na steroids dem dey feed am?"I remember thinking to myself.

As I scrambled for a firm grip on the roof of the car.
The BOOMING of the Dog's Barking filled the air,like blasts from a mini-Canon.
It was a terrifying sound.
I could literally hear him running circles around the car.

My only prayer was,
Father Lord, If there is anything that will show this Monster how to climb onto the roof of this Jeep,I come against it with THE BLOOD OF JESUS!!!!

"Hitler!Hitler!" I heard a woman yell.

The Dog's  barking was deafening in my ears.
"Hitler!Hitler!" the woman's voice was louder this time and slightly angry.

Hitler suddenly stopped barking and made a dash for the house.

"Are you the lawyer they sent?" I heard  woman's voice ask.
My heart was still pounding in my ears.I still couldn't form  coherent sentences.

"Oga sorry oh!Hitler doesn't bite"
She Said.Why do all dog-owners say that?

I finally looked in the direction of the woman's voice.
She was an elderly woman  standing in front of the bungalow.She was wearing an ugly looking bathrobe.

"Madam na you get ya mouth oh,Na chop your dog wan chop me."
I muttered to myself.

Anyway,after an extended stay on the roof,the Security man FINALLY showed up.He ran out from the back of the house.Where the hell had he been all that time??
He then took the large beast away and chained it.


By the time I got down from the car,my pants were torn and my suit jacket was dusty.

The things I have suffered in the name of legal practice.
I concluded my business and left hours later.

Biko, if you're a dog owner please chain it during the day(especially if it's a monster like Hitler)
Plus,there's a reason for a "beware of dog" sign. USE IT!!

Life is a choice my friend
So choose wisely
Enough said





                                              Comments are welcome......
Spammers on the other hand, would be shot, run over with my car, thrown off a cliff,
hung by their toe nails, and made to watch me do the MAKARINA....... in slow motion.
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