HOW TO GET MARRIED!!!!!..by some guy on the radio with a heavy Ijaw accent!!!

HERE'S THE SCENARIO......

I was driving through Aba road in Port Harcourt a few days back. It was a fairly cool evening. I decided to turn on the radio. To be honest, I wasn't expecting much. But I was  bored and there was a little bit of traffic on the road.

What a shock! I thought to myself when the radio came on.
No Music!!
No Drake, Lil Wayne ...or at  the very least  Whiz Kid Song greeted me from the speakers.
Mtcheeew!!

I was about to click off the Radio when I had a slight rethink.
What the hell? I thought.
I decided to give the programme a chance. It soundly vaguely interesting.

It was one of those "How to get married'' programmes.

Some raspy-voiced guy with a severe Ijaw accent was on air.
I didn't catch his name but, apparently he was some sort of Pastor/Marriage Counsellor.
 I decided to listen. If nothing, his bad English would give me something to blog about.

Surprisingly, the way he started off, caught my attention;

''SHOULD YOU MARRY WHO YOU LOVE, OR LOVE WHO YOU MARRY?"

Now I cannot over-emphasize this, the man's ENGLISH WAS TERRIBLE.....INSANELY TERRIBLE!
Now that I think about it,  he didn't just sound like he was speaking  English with an Ijaw accent. It sounded  like he was speaking an entirely new language that OCCASSIONALLY sounded like English.


 So,I will Paraphrase,



He said that what most people confuse for love is a series of intense feelings leaning towards infatuation, and mad chemistry that although are necessary for a relationship, CANNOT BE THE BASIS FOR A RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE!!
That the primary thing people should look for in any partner for marriage/relationship is compatibility

.

He Said  that love isn't a feeling you can't control. Love is a commandment. In  his own words "..love is  a verb". It's an action word.
That is why it is the greatest commandment in the BIBLE.

Therefore, love is WHAT  YOU DO, NOT WHAT YOU SAY/FEEL!!
Thus it is required of a person to love who they are married to.

He goes on to say that a lot of people confuse love for infatuation or  some mild form of obsession which isn't very healthy.
If you base an entire relationship or marriage on THAT feeling ...  INFATUATION,PASSION,...CHEMISTRY..it wont work. Here's why;
 These intense feelings you might have for someone at the beginning of the relationship or "honey moon phase" are unstable,unreliable elements..

Passion is essentially energy.
Energy fluctuates (high today, low tomorrow).
Once passion is low in a relationship, If there's no compatibility, the relationship will fall apart.
Its the reason why most celebrity marriages in Hollywood fail.
Because, the focus is on passion.

When the passion "mellows out" and there's no compatibility, the couple realise they really don't know each other. That's when people claim they've "fallen out of love".

In short, if two people are compatible(I.e. they complement each other, get along and share similar values)the relationship can survive and thrive with near minimal passion(what most people confuse for love)
But this same  Passion/chemistry/attraction without compatibility means doom for a relationship.

MIND YOU, he's not saying Passion/chemistry/attraction aren't important But the emphasis on them in relationship/marriages is wrong. These "feelings" are less than 30% of what makes for  a good relationship.

So marry someone you're compatible with not someone you are just crazy about. Then while in marriage,LOVE that person



Here's what I think,

A married couple I know are "separated" now. This is after being married for about two years.
They dated for less than a year before they got married.

They were soooooo in love.
Whenever they were together in public you could see the passion and intensity between them.
They could barely keep their hands off each other.

They made every other couple around them seem like a "Third World Country". If you were in a bad relationship, you didn't want to be around these two.
It was easy for most couples  to "Beef" them. And I mean STRONG "Beef "oh! ......Like "Kilishi"

Anyway, after two years of marriage they can't stand each other.
According to the Man-whose name is Ebi,
" I think we rushed into this marriage," he was telling me in my office
"We're not compatible"

when I asked the wife Antonia, she said,
"We just can't get along, and I don't feel for him the way I used to,"
She was in tears when she told me this.
"What's painful.......," She went on.
"..... Is that he's a good man but we can't stand being around each other anymore"

I thought about Antonia and Ebi as I listened to the programme. And I thought to myself, if the two of them simply decided (with CONVICTION) to love each other; no matter what!!!!(since love is a verb-an action word)wouldn't that  save their marriage?????

hmmmmm.....

I agree that LOVE IS WHAT YOU DO,NOT WHAT YOU SAY/FEEL.
I also agree that Passion/attraction/chemistry isn't enough reason to get married.
Compatibility is very important.
For Me??
Attraction and Chemistry are the first things that grab my attention. Then after that I consider compatibility.....Then LOVE.....then MARRIAGE(In that order)

One more thing,.....
 I don't think you have to wait till marriage to show someone  you LOVE them though.

But that's just me, I'm no expert. I just tell it like I see it.
What do you guys think?


Life is a choice my friend
So Choose wisely
Enough said