kid-beggars on our streets!!!!

"Kid-beggars" are the most infuriating aspect of  being stuck in traffic.
Once traffic starts, they're  everywhere,like an endless horde of  "Jarra-men" from an old Kunfu movie.

Kid-beggars come in two categories;  "Cleaners, and Clingers".
"Cleaners" are fearless haggard-looking  boys armed with  filthy rags and  spray-cans filled with what looks like "brown water" mixed with soap.

Generally, they walk up to your car and  assault your windshield with this strange liquid.
Thereafter, they  promptly  attempt  to rub off the mess they've created by spreading the dirty fluid all over the glass.
So steadfast, diligent and focused are they to the task at hand, that  they don't hear  you screaming;
"NO! STOP,....GO AWAY!!!!!!!"
By the time they're done, the glass is a blurry and slightly brownish version of its former self.
Then guess what?
They come over to your side of the car with a stern look, demanding remuneration for  "defiling" your  windshield.
Some can be pretty abusive if you refuse to comply.
I saw  a Cleaner spit into the face of  a driver once.The enraged Man abandoned his stationary vechicle and chased the fleeing Cleaner like some crazed bull.Dunno if he ever caught him sha.



And then, there are the "Clingers".
The Clingers start off  with the standard  "Abeg-give-me-money" stare,
which  could last any where from five to ten seconds depending on the Clinger's mood.
When that doesn't  work, the Clinger administers the Clinger's Monologue:

"Oka, kod go bi-less you, si as ya bodi dey shine,my color. Daddi ah dey un-giri, eef you geef mi moni kod go bi-less you, ah dey un-giri................!"
Depending on the Traffic,The Clingers Monologue can last a looooong time.
And God help you if you're on foot. Clingers can be ...well..........."Clingy"
They could zero in on a Walking-Target like a laser guided missile from half a mile away. They  grab and "Cling" to you on the street with near super human strength.
"Oka/mummi, kod go bi-less you, si as ya bodi dey shine,my color. Daddi/Mummi,ah dey un-giri, eef you giff mi moni kod go bi-less you, ah dey un-giri................!"
"Wrestling off" their dirty embrace on the road can be very annoying and embarrassing.



Here's the scenario.
It was a  hot Tuesday afternoon in Port Harcourt, and I was stuck in traffic along "Waterlines road".



"Waterlines Traffic" in Port Harcourt is a living organism with moodswings.
When it's good, you'd probably crawl out of there in about 3-5minutes.
When it's bad,well..........its BAD.
That particular  Tuesday afternoon,Traffic was  BAD, and  I had a particularly annoying Clinger at my window.
She was a very darkskinned, smallish 8 or 9 year old with intensely mischievous eyes.
She started off by singing to me in Hausa.
I knew a Monologue wasn't far off.And I didn't want that.Like most drivers, I  wanted to be left alone.
I promptly handed her what I thought was a crisp 100 Naira note.But soon  realised(while my hand was in mid air) that It was a 1000Naira Note instead.
Too late!
She snatched  the note from my fingers with Cobra-like swiftness, then scuttled away from me faster than I could yell out  "WAIT!!"
In seconds, she was on the other side of the road, devilishly sticking her tongue out at me.
I watched her,as she ran to a small group of beggars I assumed were her relatives.
They all huddled  excitedly around her as she showed them her " stolen prize".
A particularly haggard,emaciated and near toothless middle-aged man was talking to her.I assumed he was her father (if the resemblance was anything to go by).He seemed to be congratulating her.
I was beyond pissed.
The haggard-smallish-Clinger of a Thief had made off with my 1000Naira note.
Where's the Justice in that?

Soon enough she was  gesturing her "relatives" in the direction of my vehicle.
Suddenly, a mob of beggars came  limping, crawling, and running towards my car like extras from "The Walking Dead"
This was bad I thought.
The Little-Demon had sent word out that I was a "Generous-giver".
And to make matters worse, traffic was still at a stubborn standstill.
I was in trouble.
Soon,they were all around me.
The father took up a sentry position in front of me and started "rubbing" the bonnet of my car in a manner I found vaguely disturbing (as if he were attempting to "arouse" the vechicle).All through, he was grinning at me.
Three blackened female faces were pressed against my window, all talking and singing at once.
On my right,were two boys spraying what I prayed to Jesus was "soapy" water on my windshield. (Though the reddish-browness  of the water wasn't very comforting)
My windshield  was now a brownish blur of dripping liquid.I turned on my wipers but only succeeded in spreading the liquid everywhere else,
Now I could barely make out images in front of me (save for the haggard-emaciated "Casanova", whom for all intents and purposes, was "fondling" my car)
All through I could hear;
"Fine Oka, my color.Si as ya beer-beer dey shine.Un-giri dey cashh me!"
And would you believe it?
That's  when the traffic started moving.
I tried moving my car, but Casanova's blurry form seemed to be "humping" the bonnet
The car behind me was blaring it's horn like a trumpet.
The beggars were still all around me
"Oka fine mi sumtin to shhop kod go biless you an ya fameeli"
"My friend, move your car na!!!"
Came a particularly enraged male voice from behind me
More horns BLARING.

Long story short.
Eventually, I had to come out of the car and manually clean the windshield (to the annoyance of the other road users whom had to drive around me)
The liquid was thick and sticky and took some serious scrubbing to come out even then, I still had to go to the car wash the next day.

The experience re-affirmed what I have always believed:
These kids shouldn't  be on the road.Its just wrong.



Life is a choice my friend.
Choose wisely
Enough said.



                                                    Comments are welcome......
 spammers on the other hand, would be shot,  run over with my car, thrown off a cliff,
  hung by their toe nails and made to watch me do the MAKARINA....... in slow motion.
                                                            I'm just saying.